#would just reflect my own taste more than anything else

[mim16s]

Arcade — Se-mi x fem!reader

From the beginning, you knew the relationship was a losing game, but obsession and attachment were stronger than reason, making it impossible to simply let it go.

Winning story of this poll

English is not my first language, so there may be spelling errors, but I hope you like it.

---

— Why do you keep pushing me away? You're my girlfriend, but you act like a stranger. — Your voice broke as tears streamed down his face. Semi was there, just a few steps away from you, but she felt more distant than ever. She wouldn’t look into your eyes, staring at the wall instead, as if ignoring your pain was easier than facing it. 

— You're overreacting, — she said, her voice low, almost indifferent, but you knew there was something more hidden beneath it. 

— Overreacting? — Your breathing became uneven, as if indignation was consuming you. — Damn it, the last time you kissed me was a week ago! I don't even remember the last time we slept together. You spend the whole day out, barely look at me, and now you can't even face me. Is there someone else? Is that it? — The words came out fast, your voice breaking at the end as fear and insecurity took over. Your words were enough to finally make her look at you. 

Semi’s eyes met yours with something between shock and pain, as if you had just said the most absurd thing in the world. 

— You know I would never do that. — Her voice was firm, but there was something broken in her tone. — I've just been… working. These debts are taking all my time. 

— I know! — you shouted, the desperation inside you growing. — And I'm helping you with that, but that doesn’t give you the right to push me away like I'm not part of your life! 

— That's the problem. — Her voice came out almost as a whisper, but every word cut like a blade. 

— What? What do you mean by that? — you asked, feeling the ground disappear beneath your feet. Your voice trembled, full of fear for the answer you were about to hear. 

She hesitated, as if the next sentence was an unbearable weight to carry. But then, she let it out: 

— Maybe… maybe we shouldn't be together anymore. 

Everything stopped. The world seemed to freeze around you. The silence was so deafening it screamed inside your head. You could almost hear your heart pounding, aching, as if it was struggling to keep beating. You stood there, staring at her, tears falling uncontrollably, unable to find the strength to speak or move. 

Semi also seemed surprised by her own words, as if they had hurt her just as much as they had hurt you, but she didn’t take them back. Her eyes were filled with sadness, but behind them was a cruel determination. She grabbed a jacket that was thrown over the couch and, without another word, walked out the door. 

You collapsed onto the floor as soon as you heard the door close. The weight of the moment was unbearable. Your knees gave out, and you broke down, tears blurring your vision. It was as if reality had crumbled around you, leaving behind only an unbearable pain. 

On the other side of the door, Semi finally allowed her tears to fall. The salty taste of each tear was a reflection of her decision, of everything she had just lost. She knew she loved you more than anything, but that love was dangerous. She owed money to people who didn’t forgive, who would do anything to collect their debt. And if you stayed by her side, you would be in danger too. 

She had already seen the end of your story before it even began, but still, she had taken the risk, betting everything she had. And now, she was paying the price. As much as she wanted to fight, reality was relentless. You deserved more, deserved someone who could give you security, a better life. And she couldn’t offer that. Not with those debts. Not with the chaos she was caught up in. 

— I should've never started this. I could never give you what you deserve. 

But that didn’t make the decision any less painful. Every step she took away from you felt like it was breaking her a little more. Because deep down, Semi knew she was walking away from the only good thing she had ever had in her life. 

---

— Y/N? What are you doing here? — A familiar voice came from behind you, making every hair on your body stand on end. The sound shattered the fragile silence you had carried in your heart since the day she left. The same voice that had destroyed you but still lived in every corner of your chest, as if it had built a home inside you. 

You turned around, and there she was. Semi. The woman who had broken your heart but never really left it. 

— Semi. — Her name slipped from your lips in a whisper, heavy with months of hurt and longing. 

Semi stood still for a moment, surprised to see you there. Her eyes scanned you with a mix of relief and despair. 

— You shouldn't be here, — she said, stepping closer quickly. — It's too dangerous for you. 

Before you could react, Semi grabbed your hand. The touch you had longed for so long was finally there. Memories, laughter, soft touches, passionate kisses, whispered promises that now seemed so distant flooded your mind. But along with them came reality. You pulled away from her touch, and the look of sadness she gave you almost broke your heart all over again. 

— It's okay, I deserve that. — She averted her eyes, but only for a second. Since she had left you, Semi hadn’t spent a single day without thinking about you. She had wondered how you were, if you had moved on, if you were happy. And now that she was in front of you again, all she wanted was to be selfish for a moment, to forget why she had left and beg to come back. 

But she knew it wasn’t that simple. 

— You do, — you answered, your voice firm but filled with pain. — But not just that, Semi. You destroyed me. I shouldn't even be here, shouldn't even be talking to you. You ended our years-long relationship without even giving me a reasonable explanation. 

The words hit Semi like knives she knew she deserved. She took a deep breath before finally speaking. 

— You're right. I owe you an explanation. — Her voice trembled, but she continued. — I… I never wanted to break up with you, but I had to. 

You stayed silent, waiting for something that might finally make sense of what she had done. 

— At that time, I was… I was in debt with loan sharks. — Semi looked down, as if it was hard to confess. — And I couldn't pay them back. They started threatening me… and threatening you. I couldn't let them do anything to you because of my mistake. That week, they told me that if I didn’t pay up, they would hurt you. I had no way out, Y/N. The only thing I could do to protect you was to push you away. 

You froze. For months, you had wondered about the reason, and now, hearing it felt surreal. 

— I swear I didn't want to break up with you. — Semi’s voice cracked, and tears began streaming down her face. — But I had no choice. I love you too much to let anything happen to you because of me. 

You could barely process her words. Seeing Semi cry was rare. She had always been so strong, so resilient. But now, there she was—broken, vulnerable, in a way you had never seen before. 

— You should have told me… — your voice came out low, still in disbelief. 

— And get you even more involved in this? — Semi answered quickly, her tone almost desperate. — That was never an option, Y/N. I just… I just wanted you to be safe. I'm sorry. 

Tears now fell silently from her face, and the strong facade she usually wore was crumbling. Every angry speech you had rehearsed for this moment… vanished. 

You stepped forward and hugged her, holding her as if time hadn’t passed. Semi wrapped her arms around you, squeezing you so tightly it felt like she was afraid to lose you again. 

— I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… — she murmured, her voice choked with emotion. 

You stroked her hair as you cried too. No words could fix everything, but for that moment, the embrace was enough. Two wounded souls, trying to find refuge in each other. You didn’t know if there was a future for you both, but despite everything, she still felt like home. Because even after all this time, the love you shared was something that not even time had been able to erase.

——

You were now in the second game, trying to form a team. Your hands were still intertwined with hers when you noticed a shy guy standing off in the distance, watching the other players. He seemed to be gathering the courage to ask to join a team. You looked at Semi with the expression of someone asking to adopt a puppy, and she, unable to deny you anything, just nodded her head.  —Hey, do you want to join our team?— you asked.  The guy hesitated for a moment, but soon agreed with a shy nod.  —Yes, please—he answered with a slightly shaky voice, almost desperate, bowing slightly in respect.  You smiled, gently tapping his shoulder.  —No need to bow—you said kindly. —I’m Y/N, and this is Semi.—You gestured toward her, and she gave a brief wave. —And you? —Minsu. My name is Minsu Park.—He replied, trying to smile as well.  —Why did you join the game?—Semi asked, but before he could answer, a voice called out from behind you.  —Señoritas, excuse me.— You turned around, finding a man with purple hair. He had a confident posture, but something about him seemed... off.  —Come play with me, huh?— said the stranger. Beside him, a friend nudged him, as if trying to stop him.  Semi immediately wrapped an arm around you protectively, and you could feel the tension in the air.  —Why?— Semi asked, suspicious.  —Don’t you know who I am? I’m the rapper Thanos."  —Wait, we don’t even know what the game is yet. And they’re women, man—commented his friend in a derogatory tone. You held back the urge to roll your eyes.  —Thanos will protect you— he said confidently.  —Oh, really? Thanos, did you collect all the Infinity Stones?—you teased, with a touch of sarcasm.  —Of course!—he replied, showing his painted nails in the colors of the stones. You blinked, trying to process this. He seemed... high? Definitely out of touch with reality.  —From now on, I’ll destroy anyone who gets in my way—he continued, gesturing exaggeratedly.—If you stay with me, you’ll be safe.— He looked directly at you, but Semi quickly pulled you closer, making him look confused for a few seconds.  —Actually, we were thinking about joining someone else’s team— Semi answered.  —No problem. Who?—he asked, curious.  You moved aside so he could see Minsu, who looked like a scared kitten hiding behind you.  —What’s your name?— asked the purple-haired man.  —It’s... Minsu—The guy replied, almost stuttering.  —What a stupid face...— muttered Thanos’ friend, stepping forward, but was stopped by Thanos.  —What's up? Nice to meet you, my brother. Welcome to the Thanos world— he greeted Minsu with an exaggerated hug.—You’re cute, come here. Although you felt this group wasn’t the best choice, there didn’t seem to be many options or time to think. Reluctantly, you agreed, but the discomfort with the long-haired, dark-haired man wouldn’t go away. 

---

You finally finished the game and sat close to each other, watching Namgyu acting like a total idiot with Minsu. The growing feeling that he didn’t seem like a good person only increased.  —How many people do you think are left?— Namgyu asked in a mocking tone.  —What?—Minsu, who was all curled up, asked.  —Yeah, how many are there?—Namgyu with the long hair repeated. —How many worms do you think are still here?— You watched as Minsu looked around, trying to estimate the number of people.  —Uh... two hundred, I think. —How do you know? Count them one by one. —Now?—Minsu asked, and Namgyu nodded positively. You felt sorry for him; he was too innocent for this place. When he was about to get up, you were about to intervene, but Semi was faster and stopped him.  —Sit down, what are you gonna count for? What a dumb thing to do, soon the masked guys will come and say...—Semi spoke, and Namgyu glared at her for questioning the authority he thought he had.  —Shut up, you bich —Hey, don't talk to her like that!— you said, already getting pissed off with his attitude. When he was about to respond, Thanos interrupted.  —Stop it! What’s your name?— He asked, looking at the shyest one.  —Minsu. —How old are you? —I’m twenty-seven— Minsu replied, his hands placed nervously in his lap.  —Twenty-seven, why are you obeying him? He’s your age. Hey Namsu, are you twenty-seven? —It’s Namgyu— you almost laughed at that. He walks around like a little dog behind someone he doesn’t even know the name of? Pathetic.  —Okay, Namgyu. Are you twenty-seven?—Thanos said, not caring about the correction.  —Yeah—Namgyu confirmed.  —See that? Leave him alone, man. We’re together, okay? How old are you?—Thanos asked Semi and you.  —Twenty-eight—she lied.  —Twenty-seven— you lied as well, not wanting to admit you were the youngest and risk having problems with Namgyu thinking he could boss you around.  —So, that’s it. You three are the same, and you’re the old lady.—He pointed at Semi. You let out a small laugh, and she looked at you, also laughing.  —Hey Namsu, call her old lady—Thanos said, and Namgyu laughed too. 

---

After eating, you sat very close to each other in a discreet corner where few people were around. The few who were there were far enough away that nothing else mattered except the two of you.  —I missed you...—you whispered, your voice full of longing. Semi held your hands tightly, as if wanting to make sure you were really there.  —I missed you too... There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought of you. But now that we’re together again, I promise to be the girlfriend you always deserved. —Semi...—Your eyes searched hers, so full of sweetness and desire.—You’re already everything I could want. You’re perfect for me. Semi’s gaze slid over your lips before returning to your eyes, and her voice came heavy with desire and urgency.  —I really want to kiss you right now... She moved closer, her arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer, your bodies touching in a silent promise of everything you felt for each other.  —People can see...—you murmured, but the warmth of her touch made your body give in, your will dissolving in the desire to feel her even more.  —And you care? Because I don’t—Semi replied, her voice hoarse, full of longing.  Before you could say anything, her lips took yours, and the world around you disappeared. The kiss was intense, urgent, as if both of you were starving for each other. It was like a dance that only the two of you knew, each movement in perfect harmony, each sigh echoing like an intimate melody between you. Semi pulled you into her lap, and your hands slid over her face, holding her as if you never wanted to let her go. Your fingers trembled with the need to feel her more, to imprint every detail of the moment.  The air soon became scarce, and you pulled away just enough to breathe. But Semi didn’t want distance. She chased your lips with small kisses before burying her face in your neck, spreading slow, lingering kisses across your skin. Her arms tightened around your waist, as if she feared you’d disappear again.  —I missed this so much... I love you.— Her voice was muffled against your skin, full of emotion.  You smiled and held her face, lifting it so your eyes could meet.  —I love you even more...—you whispered before sealing your lips in a tender kiss.—Semi, let’s play just one more game so we can leave soon. She nodded, but her eyes said all she wanted was you.  —Just one more game...— she repeated, but before letting you go, she stole one more kiss, deep and full of promise. As soon as you left, she didn’t just want to kiss you... she wanted to rediscover you completely.

---

You woke up to loud music echoing through the speakers. Your body was still intertwined with Semi's, your head resting on her chest, while her arms held you tightly, as if refusing to let you go. The warmth of her body was comforting, and for a moment, you wished time would stop right there.

With a gentle touch, you softly shook her to wake her up. Semi blinked slowly, her eyes adjusting to the light, her face relaxed as if she had slept deeply for the first time in a long time... actually, since the last time you two had been together. She felt recharged, as if being with you was all she needed to feel complete.

When your eyes met hers, a light, sleepy smile appeared on her lips, almost as if she had forgotten for a moment where you were.

—We need to get up... the game is about to start— you murmured, your voice low, almost reluctant to break the moment.

Semi nodded, but before allowing any distance to grow between you, she slightly lifted her head and captured your lips in a soft, slow kiss, filled with affection. Her fingers slid over your skin before, with some hesitation, she finally let go of you.

You got up first, feeling the cold take the place where her warmth had been. Semi watched you for a moment before sighing and getting up right behind you, her eyes still filled with a silent desire to pull you into her arms once again.

"Players, welcome to the third game. We’re about to begin! Today’s game is called Socialize."

The robotic voice echoed through the environment, cold and impersonal.

—There’s a carousel! It’s going to be awesome, right?— Thanos said excitedly, but you just stared at him. "Awesome" didn’t seem like the right word. Not here. You just wanted this to end soon.

"Pay attention to the game rules. Players, please head to the center of the platform. When the game starts, the platform will begin to rotate, and a number will be announced. You’ll have 30 seconds to form a group with the exact number of members corresponding to the number, enter a room, and close the door."

You tried to convince yourself: It will be fine as long as we’re together.

"Attention, the game is starting."

The platform began to spin. The floor trembled under your feet, the movement destabilizing you. Semi held your hands tightly, keeping you steady.

—So we don’t get separated—she said, her eyes determined.

"Ten."

There were five of you. You needed five more. Your heart raced. Without wasting any time, you grabbed random people and ran to an empty room. Semi never let go of your hand, her fingers squeezing yours as if her life depended on it.

The countdown ended. The door locked.

And then came the gunshots.

The screams were worse. High-pitched, desperate, suddenly cut off. You felt your whole body shiver. The sound of bodies falling to the ground echoed outside. Semi pulled you close, and you curled up against her.

When you left, you were back at the carousel. The children’s music played as a cruel contrast to the brutality of the game. Thanos and Namgyu danced, oblivious to the tension that made your chest burn. You tried to breathe deeply, but you felt like you were suffocating.

The rotation stopped.

"Four."

There were five of you.

Your stomach sank.

—You go, I’ll find another team.—Semi said, trying to release your hand.

You squeezed tighter.

—No!

—We don’t have a choice. I’ll see you later.— She pulled away and ran, shouting for someone who needed another member.

Your chest burned as you watched her disappear into the crowd. Panic gripped your throat, but Thanos pulled you into a room. The door closed, and you threw yourself against the small window, your eyes frantically scanning the area.

Gunshots.

Screams.

Your heart beat so hard it hurt. Your eyes burned, but Semi wasn’t among the fallen bodies. She made it... of course, she did. Semi is clever. She wouldn’t lose. But that thought wasn’t enough. You needed to see her.

When the door opened, you found her in the crowd. Without hesitation, you ran to her and enveloped her in a tight embrace.

—You’re okay.—Your voice came out shaky, hot tears escaping before you even realized it.

Semi ran her fingers through your hair, her warm, steady presence against you.

—Of course, I am. I’m not leaving you.

You held onto those words.

The platform spun again.

"Three."

—Hey, who’s staying?— Namgyu asked, laughing, as if this was just some game.

—Play rock-paper-scissors!—Thanos suggested, mocking.

You felt a weight in your chest. Something was wrong.

—Stay with us.— Semi reached out to Minsu, confident.

He hesitated for a second. And then made "scissors."

Your stomach churned.

—Minsu, you bastard! He threw scissors!— Namgyu laughed.

—Minsu, you win!— Thanos pulled Minsu into their group, leaving you and Semi behind.

Betrayal.

Your body went cold. Semi still stared at you, stunned, but soon averted her gaze.

There was no time for hate now.

—Let’s go.— You said, pulling her to find someone else. Your heart still burned from the betrayal, but survival took precedence.

You found a lone player and ran to a room. More gunshots. More deaths. But you made it.

The game moved on. Rounds passed. And then...

"Two."

This time it was easy. You and Semi ran together, your hearts pounding, the desperation pushing you into the room. When the door closed, you looked at each other, still breathless.

—It’s over!— you said, and Semi smiled.

She pulled you into a tight hug. You made it, but the game still wasn’t over.

The dormitory’s atmosphere was heavy, filled with death. But the relief of still being alive was the only comfort.

—Let’s vote for the X this time.— You said, and Semi nodded without hesitation.

The voting began. You and Semi pressed the X.

Namgyu and Thanos cursed at you, furious. Semi just raised her middle finger at them.

Minsu also voted for the X. When he got closer to you, Namgyu seemed even angrier.

But you didn’t care. It meant you had more chances to get out this time.

Or at least, that’s what you thought.

The tie came like a punch.

Your stomach sank.

Now you would have to wait another day.

But what made your body tremble wasn’t the vote. It was that bad feeling, the one that had been there for some time... and was only getting worse.

You and Semi were in bed. She noticed your restlessness and wrapped her arms around you.

—It’s okay, baby. Tomorrow we’ll make it. We’re getting out of here.—You swallowed hard.

—Do you promise?

Semi hesitated for a moment. You both knew it was an empty promise. But still, she tightened you against her and murmured,

—I promise.

Time seemed to drag on. You stayed there, wrapped in each other’s warmth, as if the heat of each other was the only real thing in that place.

Then the speakers blared.

"Player 230 eliminated."

Your heart froze.

A fight broke out in the bathroom. Dead. Several.

The players who returned were arguing, accusing each other.

This wasn’t a good sign.

—Tonight... we have to protect ourselves. There’s going to be a fight for sure.—Someone said from a distance.

You exchanged a look with Semi.

For the first time, her fear was visible.

And you knew this night could be the longest of all.

The lights went out, and you hid together, your hearts pounding in unison. But when the fight started, chaos spread like wildfire. Panic roared around you—screams, blows, the smell of blood in the air.

Then, you were surrounded.

Namgyu appeared with another man by his side. Namgyu lunged at Semi, and the other man came straight for you.

You didn’t think, you just reacted. You didn’t know where you got the strength to fight, but you grabbed the first object you found, a shard of glass forgotten on the floor. The adrenaline pulsed through you like thunder as you drove it into the man’s ribs. He let out a guttural groan, stumbling backward. You knew you hadn’t killed him... but the bleeding would do that for you.

But none of that mattered.

Because when you turned around, Semi wasn’t by your side anymore.

Panic struck you like a punch to the stomach.

Your gaze swept the room frantically, your heart pounding in your chest. People were fighting around you, but everything became a blur. You could only think about her.

And then you saw her.

Cornered. Fighting against Namgyu.

Your body froze before charging toward her. You ran, ran like never before, dodging punches, stepping on bodies on the floor. You saw when Minsu threw a bottle from above, trying to hit Namgyu and missed. The glass shattered on the floor.

Semi grabbed one of the shards.

And went for him.

Your chest tightened.

—Semi!—You screamed, but the sound was drowned in the chaos.

You ran faster, each step sinking like quicksand, every fiber of your being screaming for you to make it in time.

But you weren’t fast enough.

Namgyu drove a fork into her.

Time stopped.

The air left your lungs.

Semi let out a strangled sigh before her legs failed her. Her body collapsed to the ground, weak, but he kept driving the fork into her again, and again.

—NO!

Rage exploded inside you like a storm. You charged at him, pushing Namgyu away from her. With trembling hands, you drove the glass into him without hesitation. He roared, fighting to get you off him, but you didn’t stop. You couldn’t stop, you didn’t care.

With a wild move, you tore the fork from his hand and drove it straight into his windpipe.

Blood sprayed hot on your hands.

You only stopped when he stopped fighting.

Your whole body trembled. Your eyes flickered to his lifeless face, but all that mattered was behind you.

Semi.

You spun on your heels and ran to her, falling to your knees beside her. Her blood stained the ground, her pale lips parting in silent attempts to breathe.

—No, no, no...—You murmured, pressing your hands against the wound, trying to stop the bleeding that flowed endlessly. As if that could keep her there. As if that could stop her from being ripped away from you.

Semi squeezed your hand with the little strength she still had.

When you looked into her eyes, they were filled with pain.

But also filled with love, a love you were losing.

Your chest tightened so hard you couldn’t breathe.

—No... you promised me...—your voice broke, collapsing into desperate sobs. —You promised you’d stay...

She didn’t answer. She couldn’t. But you saw in her eyes that she wanted to apologize, and that broke you.

You shook your head frantically, tears burning your skin.

—NO! You can’t leave me! Semi, please... please, I love you, I love you so much... STAY WITH ME!

Your hands held her face, desperate, pleading, begging for something you knew you couldn’t have.

She gave a weak smile.

And then, she let out her final breath.

Her body went limp in your arms.

The world shattered around you.

The air disappeared. Your heart stopped.

A primal sound tore from your throat, a screeching, horrible scream, a pain that words couldn’t contain, a wail for everything that could have been but never would be. You held her against you, sobbing violently, her blood mixing with yours.

Nothing else mattered.

Nothing.

The love of your life was dead.

You didn’t hear the footsteps approaching. You only realized when your body was pulled back.

Minsu.

He held you, wrapped his arms around you, but there was no warmth there.

—It’s okay...—he murmured, but it was distant, an echo lost in the void.

But it wasn’t okay. It would never be okay again.

You clung to him because you didn’t know what else to do, your body shaking uncontrollably, your sobs tearing your throat, your soul shattering with every second that passed without her.

There was no comfort.

Nothing could comfort you now.

Because deep down, you always knew.

Loving Semi was a losing game.

[queenlucythevaliant]

hi, young soon-to-be a librarian here, i’ve liked books for a long time but the issue is i exclusively read books below my reading level for no explicable reason, what books do i read so that i don’t just look like a total child managing a library he shouldn’t even have access to. (I’m the co-founder of my high school’s Library committee.)

I really want to be what this library needs, and i know im unqualified but if i don’t do this, nobody will. I am falliable but i’m not gonna let this chance fall by the wayside.

Hi there! Flattered that you think I can opine usefully on this issue.

My general statement to you would be that truths really do coexist here. (1) Just read whatever you want, my dude. Life is short and there are so many more books in the world than you will ever have the chance to read. Don't force yourself to read stuff that doesn't bring you any joy. (2) The books that you read absolutely do shape you as a person, and for that reason it's good to read things that are varied, challenging, and edifying. There are all sorts of ways for those two truths to slot together, and we've got our whole lives to figure it out.

That said, here's some personal experience from my summer at the bookstore that I'll toss up alongside those fairly broad statements:

I became aware very quickly that I am not literary soulmates with any of my coworkers or the vast, vast majority of my customers. I've been told several times now that my personal tastes are "not commercial." Yet every now and then, I'll get to talk with someone who also really loves the same books that I love, and those moments are just magic. In your case, maybe those conversations will be with kids or teens. That's awesome! You and whoever your people are will light up in those moments, and you'll figure out pretty quickly how to be useful to everyone else.

I am interested in reading exactly zero of the Most Popular Books that our store sells. That's fine, and thankfully no one is going to make me. I've found it useful, however, to do a bit of research so that I can make pleasant small talk about those books and recommend them as appropriate. Wikipedia, Goodreads, and YouTube are all your friends here. I've actually really enjoyed that kind of research! Kinda feels like rummaging through the closet of a friend with an entirely different fashion sense.

Another thing that's really useful is making note of where anything you might remotely call a favorite is in the store(/library), especially those that are outside your usual genres. You might be surprised at how varied your own reading is! This is helpful when someone asks for a rec outside your usual wheelhouse. Even if you haven't read 99% of the books in that section, you can point to the one or two you've read and loved and say, "Oh, these are my favorites. Read them," without necessarily having to cop to the fact that you haven't read much else in the genre.

Also worth mentioning: our store manager reads mostly YA and fantasy, and we all respect her and think she's great. Our assistant manager reads mostly YA and romance, and ditto. She's also great. The gal who runs our kids section is the oldest person working at our store, and she reads tons of kids books not just because that's her area, but also because she genuinely loves them. She is super cool and knowledgeable. I really don't think people are likely to look down on you for what you read.

So that's what I've got. Hopefully something in there is helpful. For what it's worth, you sound highly qualified based on what you wrote and I think your earnest desire to serve your community in this way will get you a lot further than having read or not read any specific books :)

[chososcamgirl]

(SHE’S) JUST A PHASE CHAPTER SIXTEEN: maybe a phase?

masterlist

“Didn’t expect this many people to show up,” Megumi mumbled to the pink-haired boy beside him.

“I like it! It’s like our very own cult!” Yuji exclaimed; his eyes sparkling as he licked his lips in anticipation.

The raven rolled his eyes at the remark. He wasn’t wrong though. With the turnout of the event, you could start a small religion. 

Fans gathered in eager clusters; their faces lit with anticipation as they waited for their moment with the band. Laughter echoed around him, a stark contrast to the knot of anxiety tightening in his chest. Megumi felt like a marionette, expertly performing his role while his heart remained tethered to unspoken thoughts.

“Megumi, can you finish the heart?” 

He suppresses a mental groan at yet another familiar request, but he obliges, nonetheless. 

That definitely must have been the hundredth one. With a practised smile, he lifts his hand, expertly completing the heart shape as the girl beams through the screen. The phone obscures her face, leaving him with only a sense of her enthusiasm.

Around him, the atmosphere of the fan meet-and-greet buzzes with energy. His bandmates are in their element, laughing and joking with fans, their easy conviviality filling the air with warmth. They engage with their admirers, sharing stories and creating moments that spark joy, their carefree spirits a stark contrast to his mood - enjoying themselves. 

Having fun.

As he stands there, a twinge of envy bubbles beneath the surface. Here he is, moping over a girl who seems not to want anything to do with him. Well, anything but his dick. While everyone else is immersed in genuine interaction, he can’t shake the feeling of being sidelined and lost in his thoughts while the world around him pulses with life and laughter.

why would i care?

His heart panging as he replayed the text message he had received days ago, each word lingering like a haunting refrain. Was it wrong to feel this way? To sense that everything he had shared was merely a facade, a carefully crafted performance for someone who never truly saw him. 

He couldn’t shake the unsettling realization that he felt like nothing more than a fleeting moment in her life—a one-night stand disguised as something deeper. The weight of this realization pressed down on him, an oppressive reminder that his emotions felt tossed aside as if he were just an afterthought in a narrative that didn’t include him. 

The feeling of being used gnawed at him, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Every time he revisited that moment, a tight knot formed in his stomach, an ache that echoed his longing for something genuine. He craved a connection that resonated beyond the surface and spoke to his heart and soul rather than just his body. As the days passed, that yearning only deepened, leaving him in a cycle of doubt and self-reflection, questioning what it truly meant to be seen and valued.

Whatever. Fuck Yn. She can go fuck herself. I don’t fucking need her. Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck-

“Oh my god! I’m such a huge fan!” The enthusiastic voice sliced through his thoughts, yanking him back to the chaotic reality of the event.

He quickly summoned his best faux smile, a mask he had perfected through countless encounters.

“Hey! Thank you so much, I really appreciate it,” he replied, glancing down at the array of items sliding his way to autograph—each one a reminder of the crushing expectations he felt.

The fan leaned in closer, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “I just have one question for you.”

“Shoot,” he said, keeping his voice steady, though a flicker of tension danced beneath the surface.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

He chuckled at the unexpected question, shaking his head. “I do not.”

“Then who’s that girl you’re always with?” she asked, tilting her head curiously.

“Dunno who you’re talking about,” he said, trying to keep his composure as he continues signing.

“Yes, you do!” she insisted, her voice rising with excitement as she grips the edge of the table.

As she continued to speculate about this so-called girlfriend, Megumi felt something inside him unravel. Maybe it was the sting of her silence in their last conversation, the way she had left him on read, leaving him feeling a little shattered. Or perhaps it was the sheer exhaustion of the endless meet-and-greet, where each interaction felt like a rehearsed line in a play he no longer wished to perform. The walls felt as if they were closing in, the air thick with unspoken feelings and unresolved questions.

Something snapped.

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s just some random bitch who sluts herself out and calls it fun.”

The words escaped him before he could rein them in.

A heavy silence settles between them; the fan was stunned into stillness by his choice of words — and profanity. His eyes dropped to the phone in her hands, and dread washed over him as he realises she was recording.

Fuck.

backstage!

• hey siri play she’s just a phase by puma blue

• cue the megumi fumble arc

• megumi crash out video: 2 minutes long

• poor gojo had a heart attack when he got that pop bae notification (he hates dealing with the press)

• he put on notifs ever since they posted a pic of him and suguru walking out of a hotel together hand in hand LMFAO

• yn was standing in one spot just furiously tapping at her phone and panda asked if she was playing fruit ninja

• he got sent to his room after that

• nobara saw the video first (mainly bc she was on twitter at the time. who’s surprised?)

• told yn to brace herself and showed her it

• yn made 7 hate accounts during the uber to sukuna’s

• that girl mad as hell😂😂🤣🤦‍♀️

• i hope they don’t hook up!!

• side eye dog meme

taglist: @shokosbunny @luvvmae @satoryaa @prozacprinc3ss @essjujutsu @therealsatorugojo @yeehawslap @gojodickbig @dawnisatotalqueen @j2upiters @nappingnai @lalalasillybilly3000 @totallytatum @3cst4syy @lysaray @saltypuffin1040 @aozui @noodles-icetea @makeshiftproject @kurtcobaingirlie @kokoiinuts @dashingaurries @slvttycorpse @cuupidsss @mochroialainn @tenjikusstuff4 @ichcocat @laughingfcx @sugurubabe @allthestarsarecloserrrrrrr @tyigerz @yoyo-yui @megoomies @yizmiu @jasminasblog22 @marst4rz @guitarstringed-scars @kalulakunundrum @lovefrominaya @beepbopzlorp @itsdragonius @meguemii @chilichopsticks @starantulas @1l-ynn @sluttkuna @rcveriees @solaqes @starrysho @sukunaspillow @evry1luvssm

*if i can't tag you please change your tag settings otherwise i will remove you from the list!

[7ndipity]

Their Ideal Types

Ot7

Summary: What I believe the members ideal types would be.

Warnings: Swearing, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! Please bear in mind tho that these are just my personal opinions, based on what I’ve observed from their personalities and with some references to their astrology charts(if you’re not into that, just ignore those points on each list)

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Jin:

His Capricorn venus means that he’s a little old fashioned in his style of romance, which I think reflects in his statements in the past about being a classic hopeless romantic. He wants someone who he can sweep off their feet and eventually settle down with.

I don’t think he has a huge preference on age, I feel like he’d kinda want either a little older/younger rather than the same age tho.

He’s said once that he wanted someone a little on the chubby side(granted, this was years ago, so I don’t know if that’s still true), he also strikes me as someone who would be drawn more to the classic ‘girly’ vibe(pastel colors, flowy layers, fluffy sweaters, etc) but I think the main vibe he’d look for in a partner is comfort. I don’t quite know how else to describe it other than ‘Ghibli vibes’ if that makes sense?

He would want someone with a classy/graceful air, who’s confident in themselves and not afraid to take the lead sometimes and stand up for themselves.

Someone mature, but not too serious, with a good sense of humor and who’s not afraid to be silly sometimes. Someone affectionate, but not overly clingy.

Someone patient and understanding, who makes it easy for him to open up and be vulnerable.

Yoongi:

Pisces are already very deep feeling signs, but coupled with his Venus in Aries, Yoongi can sometimes come off rather intense in regards to relationships. He’s very matter of fact about his feelings sometimes, and I think he wants someone who can match his frankness. He doesn’t have patience for mind games, if you’re into him, fucking say it.

He’s said before that he doesn’t really have a type, at least when it comes to physical appearances or styles. Imo tho, I feel like he would be into someone with a casual, more tomboyish style(oversized hoodies/sweaters, layered shirts, sneakers, shorter hair)

Doesn’t really have a preference on age either.

He’s said before that he wanted someone similar to himself, with a deep passion for music and creating. Obviously, that doesn’t mean you have to be a professional artist/musician(I actually think he would prefer someone outside the industry, or at least outside the Idol/Kpop sphere), but he definitely needs someone who’s a fellow creative type who can understand that side of him.

Someone patient and warm, with an infectious energy that can help bring his mood up(kinda like Hobi), with a sharp sense of humor like his own.

I think he would like someone who’s somewhat independent, who knows what they want and isn’t willing to take shit from anyone.

Hobi:

His Pisces Venus means he’s very go with the flow when it comes to relationships, so he would want something very relaxed, without any chase or mind games, or anything too rushed either. He wants someone he can just ‘be’ with.

I think he’d prefer someone slightly younger, not significantly tho, just a couple years or so.

I think he’d be into someone ‘cute’, though maybe not necessarily in fashion sense, moreso just their general energy. Style-wise, I think he’d like someone who similar taste as him, more streetwear type clothes.

Someone bright and easygoing, who’s equally happy with going out or staying at home and doing nothing. Someone energetic, who not afraid to be silly at times.

Someone very sweet, kind and gracious(lowkey think he would be into the “mom friend” personality)

He’s said before he wanted to feel cherished in a relationship, so I think he would want someone he can take care of, big fan of skinship(bordering on a little clingy). Someone who makes him feel needed/wanted, who dotes on him over little things.

Namjoon:

Namjoon is like a textbook Virgo, very grounded and practical. However, his Venus in Scorpio means he’s quite intense emotionally and sexually, so he would want a partner that can balance or match his intensity.

I think he would prefer someone his age or slightly younger.

I remember Jk saying once that Joon was into the ‘cute but sexy’ vibe, and I think that’s still true to an extent, he finds people with range very attractive. I don’t know that he really has a preferred style, maybe something more simplistic like his?

He would definitely like someone confident and independent, who can hold their own in a conversation or argument, but still polite and open minded. Someone that can challenge him and his own perceptions.

Someone intelligent, career/goal driven, and creatively minded, someone who he can go to museums/art exhibits with.

I think he would also really like someone who’s into fitness and working out like he is(lowkey loves the idea of gym dates), but it’s not a necessity for him.

Jimin:

He’s a classic Libra to his core(which I love abt him but it also drives me crazy). As much as he loves to tease, he doesn’t have the patience for too much chase or playing hard to get. He wants someone who’ll be honest about their feelings.

I think he would want someone close to his age, a little older/younger doesn’t make much difference to him.

He said before that he tends to prefer cuter appearance/vibes, but with his Venus in Scorpio, I think he would be drawn to someone with a bit of a darker, sensual contrast in their personality or looks, kinda like him.

He’s a hopeless romantic,(his favorite movies are the Notebook and Like Crazy, he’s a major softie) wants someone he can fall with and yeah, be a bit melodramatic with.

Someone warm, but slightly introverted, maybe even a little shy. Someone kind, open minded, and patient, but willing to stand up and speak their mind when they need to.

Someone who makes him feel needed(another Libra trait) Someone who can keep up with, or even match, his flirty nature.

Taehyung:

As an Aquarius Venus, he tends to be drawn towards people with unique, unconventional beauty/style. He wants someone who’s not afraid to go against the norm to be themselves(tho he would love it if you have similar love for vintage aesthetic like him)

Idk why, but he gives me “When Harry met Sally” vibes. Like, despite his fascination with romanticism as an aesthetic, I think he really prefers to go the friends to lovers route. He wants someone he feels comfortable with first and foremost. He falls slowly and then all at once.

I don’t think he has much preference on age, but he’d probably like someone his age or maybe slightly older.

I think he’d kinda be into the “mom friend” personality. I’ve said it before, he really likes being taken care of, even if it’s just in little ways like fixing his hair or buttoning his coat before he leaves in the morning.

Someone slightly more extroverted, who makes friends easily, likes kids and animals.

Someone sensitive and mature, but who he can still be goofy and random with, who’ll play along with his skits and tangents(like jimin does)

Jungkook:

Although he seems more drawn towards classic feminine style, I think he’d actually find someone with a similar style to his really attractive, even if it’s just in color palette. I don’t think he really has a type stylistically tho.

Despite Libra Venus’ tendency to look for partners that they have an immediate connection with, they actually prefer the ‘friends to lovers’ route, and I think that’s very accurate for him.

He’s kinda into the chase(literally the entire Seven video like👀), so he likes a partner that plays a little hard to get and teases/challenges him sometimes, but only sometimes.

I think he’d prefer someone his age, or maybe even a little older(He has a noona/hyung kink, I will die on this hill)

Like Joon, I think he’d really appreciate who’s into fitness/working out/boxing(lowkey, if you can hold your own wrestling with him, he’s got heart eyes)

Someone confident, independant, and artistic with a good sense of humor. Someone well mannered and patient(rudeness is an instant turnoff for him). Someone who can challenge him, but in a gentle, non-critical manner.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | October 1st-13th 2024

Hope all my fellow Canadians had a good long weekend! Had a week from hell last week so I didn't have time to put up the rec, and it's even a bit late for today, but I did it!

If you know anyone who's not tagged, please don't hesitate to tag them in the comments!

Complete

Siri, Call... by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Sickfic | 1,5K | General): Buck is sick and needs to call for help.

for thy true-love take by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Outsider POV, Established buddie | 2K | Teen): OR: Chimney Han and the ethics of slipping your coworkers love potions

watch out, you might get what you're after by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Getting Together | 2K | Mature): Buck unintentionally woos Eddie. And then has a hell of a time processing the way he feels about that.

i hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this) by bellabrady (Getting Together | 2K | Not Rated): Or: How Buck and Eddie's first kiss leads to someone calling the police on them.

Put To Good Use by kittyeddie (PWP, BDSM | 3K | Explicit): Or, Buck and Eddie finally have a kid-free day at home, and take advantage of every second of it

At First Scent by Inell/ @inell (Urban Fantasy AU | 4K | Teen): When Buck visits Maddie, he meets Chris, a magic user needing his sister’s help learning how to use his powers. He also meets Eddie, Christopher’s dad, and feels a connection that he’s only ever dreamed of finding.

Bears, and Foxes, and a Three-Legged Bobcat by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Pre-Buddie, First Date | 4K | General): Buck and Eddie go on a non-date date to a wildlife park. Cuteness ensues.

Just Right by Inell/ @inell (Future fic, Getting Together | 4K | Teen): After getting injured on a call, Buck wakes up the next morning and tries to piece together what happened, accidentally changing his relationship with Eddie in the process.

to adam, from your ribs by justhockey (S8, Getting Together | 4K | General): And the thing is, Buck is so good at being alone; he’s been doing it almost his whole life. But when he’s reminded of the way love tastes, drizzled like honey on your tongue - the way it feels, like the warm glow of sunlight on your skin. That is when he truly aches. Not the breaking, because he’s done that a thousand times over. It’s the knowing that really does him in. The having, for just a little while, before it’s snatched away so quickly he can still feel the burn on his fingertips from trying to hold on.

Hall Pass by Inell/ @inell (Post-S7, Getting Together | 5K | Teen): After Buck and Eddie take Jee and Mara trick or treating, Chim and Maddie play a trick of their own to help Buck finally make a move on Eddie.

it's leading me on, every time we touch by lightyears (Post-S6, Getting Together | 5K | Explicit): Eddie doesn’t think anything of it when he reaches across the table to pile some pasta onto his plate, says, “Just my back. It’s been giving me a bit of trouble.” “You’re hurt, Eddie?” Bobby asks him, and Eddie’s sure that his intention isn’t to capture the rest of the team’s attention, but by way of being Captain, it happens anyway. “I promise, Cap. I’m good. But if it helps, I can go speak with a doctor, make sure nothing else is going on.” Chim chirps up: “A physio probably makes more sense than a doctor.” “Or an occupational therapist,” Ravi suggests, and Eddie’s sure it’s to stave off a Chim-Hen showdown. “Even a massage therapist would probably help.” And then Maddie says, “Buck used to be a massage therapist” and everyone goes quiet, heads all swinging in Buck’s direction.

sweet sunbursts of flesh pink magic by Underhung_Aura/ @eddiebabygirldiaz (Canon Divergent, Witch Buck, Sex Pollen | 5K | Explicit): Buck’s magic has always been a bit volatile. Jittery. Fluctuating. A touch reckless. Messy and bright and loud. Maddie says that a person’s magic is supposed to match the person themselves, that the form it takes isn’t happenstance or random, that it’s a reflection of your purest self, an extension of your soul that you can manipulate. Safe to say, Buck’s never cared for that assessment. or, buck has magic and eddie gets doused with sex pollen

Happy Accident by Inell/ @inell (Post-S8E01: Buzzkill, Friends to Fiances | 6K | Teen): When Buck gets some good news, he accidentally kisses Eddie, which leads to a conversation that changes their relationship.

Kissing On The Corner, Wait For Just A Minute by fruitsdoesnotknow/ @tayf-ghost (Secret Relationship | 6K | Teen): Buck and Eddie think they're so smooth. They're cool, calm, collected. Normal, in fact. Just two normal best friends. Nothing to see here. Nobody is convinced.

Does it bite at your edges? by noxeratum (Infidelity, Post-S7, Getting Together | 6K | Explicit): Eddie Diaz is so repressed that he thinks his jealousy is bigotry and feels bad about it.

Talk Dirty to Me by ameliahart (Post-S7, FWB | 6K | Explicit): In which Buck has recently ended things with Tommy, Eddie wants to explore his sexuality, and they decide to start sleeping together. As friends, of course.

Through the Looking Glass by jukoist/ @beforejuko (Post-S8E01: Buzzkill, Getting Together | 6K | General): Buck likes Tommy. He does! And he definitely isn't in love with Eddie. He's just... worried. Because Eddie keeps vanishing on Sundays, leaving Buck with the boyfriend he definitely likes as much as he should. Everything is fine. Or, a post 8x01 coda.

Basics, Understanding Basics by fruitsdoesnotknow/ @tayf-ghost (Post-S7, Getting Together | 7K | Teen): Chris gets sick, loses part of his memory, and reassures Eddie and Buck they can still kiss in front of him. That's really thoughtful of him, except for the fact that Eddie and Buck aren't dating.

🔥All The Things You Want From Me by giselleslash/ @gigi-gigi (Post-S7, Getting Together | 7K | Teen): “Can I ask you something?” Eddie shrugs. “Sure.” Tommy looks nervous, unsure. Tommy never looks nervous, or unsure. “Do you think Evan would move in with me if I asked him?” (Or the one where Eddie feels Buck slipping through his fingers and can’t let him go, so he tells him not to move in with Tommy and blows everything apart.)

My Carpet’s Got Crop Circles by fruitsdoesnotknow/ @tayf-ghost (Eddie & Karen, Getting Together | 9K | Teen): Or, five times Karen tries to use wine nights to get Eddie and Buck together, and the one time she didn't need to.

🔥Late Fines by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Librarian!Buck | 12K | Teen): Buck is a children's librarian at the branch closest to Eddie's house. When he gets himself involved in the lives of a cute kid and his handsome single dad, he gets a glimpse of what he wants in life. It might just take a few years to get it.

Eddie Diaz VS The Buck's Boyfriend Agenda by songbvrd/ @songbvrd (Post-S7, BuckTommy Break-Up | 23K | Mature): Eddie starts gathering information about why no one trusts Tommy. As he grows to hate their relationship more, he learns more about himself and what he wants.

🔥 ice cream before dinner by cloudydaisies (Post-S7, Getting Together | 58K | Teen): or, gerrard messes with the team's schedules and eddie 'i just drove my son to flee the state' diaz is the only option to watch mara and jee-yun after school on tuesdays, which, shouldn't be a problem at all, right?

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 102K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

WIP

Gentle On My Mind by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Shannon Lives, Buck/Eddie/Shannon | 5/? | 32K | Explicit): In which Shannon lives, tells a lie, and sends hers, Eddie's, and Buck's lives down a very different path.

🔥 go and kill, go and die by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Zombie Apocalypse AU | 9/14 | 40K | Mature): The 118 are a group of survivors in a small California town in the wake of a zombie apocalypse. For months they've been isolated and safe. But the arrival of some new players, the search for some missing loved ones, will shake everything up and put their little team in jeopardy.

Podfic

[Podfic] déjà vu by NC Pods (N0Connections)/ @n0connections // fic by peaktotheocean/ @peaktotheocean (S7E07: Ghost of a Second Chance | 10-20min | General): It is completely possible that Buck put too much thought into buying his couch. But Eddie can’t think of anyone else in his life who would buy a couch just so his kid would be comfortable.

🔥 [Podfic] With a Little Help From my Friends by MeggieJolly/ @meggiejolly // fic  by extasiswings/ @extasiswings (Post-S3, Feelings Realization | 10-20min | Teen): “You know…several of us parents get together once, maybe twice a month or so. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like. I can add you to the email chain.” Not for the first time that day, Eddie’s surprised. It’s not that he’s opposed, more that the invitation is unexpected. He’s not particularly social—when he is it’s with the team or with Buck or with his family, all of them in each other’s houses, in each other’s lives both at work and away from it. Outside of them… It occurs to him that he’s never really known how to make friends. [Or: Eddie makes friends outside of work and realizes that Buck might not, in fact, be just a friend]

🔥 as lucky as us [Podfic] by blackglass/ @blackestglass // fic by hammersmiths/ @henswilsons (Ravi POV, S7 | 20-30min | General): One of the first things Ravi learned when joining the 118 was to, under no circumstances, think too hard about Buck and Eddie’s relationship. But brother, they could try make his job easier. “I mean, I get it,” Buck’s saying, overhead, and Ravi’s knee-deep in literal human crap and even he can smell that shit from a mile away. “You and Tommy have a lot in common.” or, Ravi continually suffers as a third-wheel.

🔥 [podfic] baby, can i hold you? by All_I_Ask/ @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove // fic by fleetinghearts / @shitouttabuck (pre-Buddie, angst/comfort | 30-45min | Teen): Eddie’s eyes are squeezed shut, and Buck feels something inside him crack when this helpless, devastated sob wracks his body, eyelashes clumped with tears he’s not letting fall. “What do you need?” Buck asks again. “What can I do?” Eddie makes a frustrated noise. “I don’t know. I don’t know why this won’t stop.” or, eddie panics. buck holds him.

🔥 Heart, I Implore You [Podfic] by ReformedTsunderePodfics (ReformedTsundere)/ @film-in-my-soul // fic by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Vampire Eddie, PWP | 45-60min | Explicit): When Buck finds out his best friend isn't exactly human, he volunteers to help keep Eddie from dying. It's definitely just to keep Eddie from dying. No other reason. None whatsoever.

Re-Read

Down to the Bones of Me by giselleslash/ @gigi-gigi (Post-S7E10: All Fall Down | 5K | Teen): The morning after Christopher leaves Eddie gets in his truck and drives. Buck lets him go, and Eddie fights to come back for both of them.

[dragon-kazansky]

The song in our hearts

Lestat De Lioncourt x Female Reader

A musician with a heart that sings and an admirer who wishes to see his songbird thrive. Two beings in different worlds get caught up in each other when someone threatens to steal his songbird's spotlight. Loving Lestat isn't simple, and your life will never be the same again. What is eternity without chaos?

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Chapter Seven - Eleanor

You aren't seen by Amelie all week. The first glimpse she gets of you is at the theater that following Friday. You hadn't told her you had spent almost every night in Lestat's home. That would definitely give her ideas, and you didn't need that right now.

She follows you into your dressing room. You take a seat at your table and look at your reflection. You're looking a little paler than before.

“Are you alright?” Amelie asks softly. She could tell she was worried about you. “I went to your house a couple times, you weren't there.”

You turn and look at her. “I've been… busy.”

Amelie comes closer and takes your hand in hers. “Busy?”

“I've just got a lot going on.”

She presses her hand to your forehead. “You look a little off, but you don't seem to have a temperature. Do you need anything? Water? Food? To rest a little?”

You shake your head. “No. I'm okay.”

“If you're sure…” Amelie doesn't look convinced. She steps away and takes her leave.

You slump agaiant your dressing table and sigh, fingers digging into your hair. All week you have been sneaking off to Lestat's to simply be with him. To let him taste you. To let him hold you.

God, the way his arms felt around you was a dream. You wanted nothing more than that in life. Well, there was perhaps more you could want to do with him. He certainly knew as much.

‘Are you alright, Chéri?’ 

His voice is in your head. He seems to know every thought and feeling you have. You find you don't mind quite as much. 

‘You're thinking a lot. Don't worry, mon amour.’

My love. That was the first time he had called you that.

A knock at your door makes you jump and turn around to see who it was. “Come in.”

The door opens and Jack enters. You offer him a smile and he smiles in return. “Amelie looked worried. Are you okay?” He asks.

“I assure you, I am well.”

‘More than well.’

You ignore Lestat in your mind.

“No one has seen or heard anything from you all week.”

‘I have certainly heard you.’

“No. I'm sorry. I've been busy. I'm still here though.” You smile again.

“Good. You're my best performer. You and that piano are my stars.”

‘The brightest star I have ever seen.’

You smile, but who you're smiling from is the question. You know who.

“I'll let you get ready.” Jack leaves you alone to prepare. 

You look at yourself in the mirror and stare hard at your reflection. You smile at yourself.

The magician on stage takes a bow, and people applaud. Lestat watches with disinterest. He doesn't care for anyone else in this show. He wants to see his shining star. His darling. His music maker.

The stage clears and the lights turn to the manager, Jack. He babbles for a little while and then addresses the crowd with open arms. Lestat leans forward in his seat, a proud grin on his lips.

Your name is announced.

The curtain open to reveal your piano in place and as Jack exists the stage, you come on. Lestat can't teat his eyes away from you. You're wearing a gorgeous gown and around your neck is that ruby red necklace he gave you months ago.

Your eyes find his own and he winks at you from his box. You're gorgeous.

You take a bow and sit down at your piano. A few moments of silence fill the room before you fill the air with your beautiful music. You're playing his song again. Lestat smiles. If this was a declaration, he was listening.

Everyone in the room was hanging on to every note. You had them completely wrapped up in your magic. You were the siren and they were the sailors.

You played for the next half hour. You enchanted every soul in the room.

Lestat had fallen even more for you.

When your time was done you took a bow and left the stage. Lestat, as usual, leaves his box. He's waiting for you at your dressing room before anyone else. You smile as he reaches out and caresses your cheek gently with his fingers. His touch is ghostly, so light you could barely feel it.

As Lestat leans in, almost as if to kiss you, you're both interrupted by a voice. You both turn to see a young woman, mid twenties at least, looking at you.

“Excuse me, I don't suppose you know where Noah is? I didn't see him in the show tonight and I wanted to speak to him.”

You feel yourself go stiff. Lestat grabs your arm gently and smiles at the woman. “Who is asking?”

“My name is Eleanor. I'm Noah's sister. I wrote to him to tell him I was coming to see him perform, but I didn't get a response, at least not one that arrived in time.” She shuffles on the spot slightly. “I was disappointed to see he was not on stage tonight. Don't suppose you know where he's staying?”

You turn your eyes to Lestat for help. What were you supposed to say? ‘Oh gosh, we're so sorry, you see, your brother was being an ass and Lestat decided to feed on him until he was dead.’

Yeah, that would go down well.

“Did you not hear? He left,” Lestat tells her.

The woman visibly deflates. “He did? No, I hadn't heard.”

Lestat keeps his hand on your arm to keep you calm. “Perhaps his letter had yet to reach you.”

“Possibly,” she sighs.

Lestat feels you grabbing at the sleeve and puts on a polite expression for Eleanor. “If you don't mind, we are just leaving.”

She looks between you both and steps back, getting the message. “Of course. Forgive me. I better contact home and see if Noah got through. Thank you kindly, both of you.”

Lestat takes your hand and guides you past the young woman. You're holding onto him tight. He can feel your panic just from the touch of your hand.

Once you're out of the theater you drag him into the alley nearby. 

“Shit, Shit, Shit!” You hiss out. “What are we gonna do?”

“Nothing,” he replies nonchalantly. 

“Nothing?” You stare at him in disbelief. “You killed her brother and she's looking for him!”

Lestat shrugs. “So? She'll never find him. I disposed of the body.”

“Oh my God!”

“He can't help you.”

You glare at the vampire. “This isn't funny! I'm the last person Noah went to see. No one knows you were involved!”

“Calm, Chéri. All will be well. No harm shall come to you.” He holds your face in his cold hands.

“Lestat…”

“Shh. If you keep on worrying you'll get wrinkles.” He taps your nose with his finger. “Do you want that?”

“Stop messing around.” You wave his hands away from your face. “Someone has to take things seriously around here.”

“Why? Nothing to worry about. You'll see.”

You almost hate how unbuttered he is by this, but at the same time, how many times has he done this before? Lestat was a clever man. He surely chose his victims carefully. If people kept on disappearing from the same place, flags would be raised. 

“I trust you,” you say softly.

Lestat grins. “That's what I like to hear. Now, back to mine for a nightcap?”

You roll your eyes and go with him.

When you get back to his house, Lestat can tell you're still freaking out over Eleanor's presence in town. You're all figgity in your seat. Lestat sighs and holds out the glass of wine in front of your face. When you don't take it from him he places it on the table beside you.

“I can make you forget,” he offers.

“Forget?”

“About Eleanor and her questions.”

“That might make things worse,” you sigh. You didn't want to forget that the family of a dead man was out there searching for him.

“Just for tonight.” Lestat leans over, his lips brushing along your ear. You feel a shiver run down your spine. 

He closes the distance between you both and wraps his arms around you so smoothly. You fall into his embrace with ease. Whatever line there was between you before had been crossed, and you knew there was no going back. Lestat kisses along your jaw, your breathing came out in small little pants. He had you right where he wanted you.

“Lestat,” he name falls from your lips with ease.

“Shh.” He whispers in your ear. “Tonight you are mine and I am yours.”

His lips press against your own with desire. Long awaited desire. From this single kiss you knew he had been waiting a long time for this. Lestat had had his eyes on you for a while now. It was only a matter of time before he got what he wanted. Lestat could be patient when he wanted to be.

He pulls you into his lap and brings your bodies closer together. It's like a magnetic force bringing you together. You follow after his lips, your hands grab onto him wherever they can. Lestat lets you chase after every part of him that you want.

Your fingers dig into his hair as he pulls you to sit up in his lap. He lifts you up enough so he can lay you down and climb on top of you. His lips leave yours to trail back down your jaw and then your neck. Your back arches as he goes lower, down to your collarbone. His hands stay firm on your hips.

You're about to forget your own damn name, that's for sure.

His large hands go wandering under your clothes. You've never found yourself in this position before. Lestat had you feeling all kinds of ways.

You gasp as he sucks on the spot he bit you from last time you were here. The skin there was sensitive and had you shaking under him.

“Ma petite beauté.”

He speaks in a low voice. He's using every ounce of his charms to keep you with him. It's working.

His fingers pluck at your clothes. You don't even move to stop him. He smirks against your skin.  He's about to undo the buttons but there's firm knocking at the door.

Lestat lifts his head. You look up at him. “Don't answer it.”

“Chéri, I do not get guests.” He looks at you.

You hear the knock again and Lestat rises from the couch. He fixes his hair and stalks slowly toward the door. You sit up and fix your clothes, missing the touch of his lips on your skin.

Lestat opens the doors. You watch from your spot on the sofa. He doesn't say anything as she steps back and lets the person inside.

Amelie.

You stand up quickly and hurry over to her. “What are you doing here?”

“I knew you would be here.” She looks you up and down. “I didn't know where else to go.”

You place your hands on her shoulders and look at her. Lestat watches from the door. He remains quiet as you talk to her.

“It's about Noah… the police came to the theater. His sister called them after finding his apartment. He's gone missing.”

You stare at her. Lestat can see the panic in your eyes. Eleanor was causing him problems. He is normally a little more clever when it comes to his victims.

“What… what's happening?” You ask.

“They're saying kidnap, but… they're also gonna look for a body… It was awful. They were all over the theater lookin’ for clues.”

You glance at Lestat who holds your gaze with a sharp look. You turn back to Amelie. “Let me walk ya home.”

Amelie nods and follows you out. Lestat doesn't even get to kiss you goodbye.

@awanderingghost @theprettiesthead @cosmixstar @theblueslytherin @katherine2098 @sawendel @floofdeloop @sitkafay @bigbaddie45 @bluscryn

@secretisme4 @darkqueen1995 @bridkesby @caribbeangal @sarcasticandfangirl @missjadesfics @kaybart19

[chaoticbardlady99]

Echo (Sylus x F!Reader)

Synopsis: Sylus would do just about anything to make you happy- even going as far as trying his hand at arts and crafts. Thankfully, the Tour has the perfect gift for him to make and he takes a moment to reflect on all he has shared with you- both in this life and the last.

“He loves me, he loves me not…”

CW: Mentions of Sylus’ lore (mentions of violence, grief), uhhh shouldn’t be anything else, FLUFF

Author Note: I really loved the last card and wanted to write a little blurb from Sylus’ perspective of making the Echo Bottle 🐦‍⬛❤️💋 all comments, likes, and reblogs are greatly appreciated :) pic above belongs to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from LADS or anything mentioned from that game. I do not give permission for AI to use my content and I do not use AI- uhhh I think that’s all?

*I’m a goofy person so my characters are a bit eccentric

******************************

Sylus is a man of good taste, but he wouldn’t consider himself an arts and crafts master. He wouldn’t consider himself gentle enough to even be able to create something as simple as an Echo Bottle. However, when it comes to you, it seems to come to him naturally.

He isn’t entirely sure how he is going to hide the fact that he made the damn thing- shimmering red sparkles are coating his hair like snowflakes and he still can’t get this stupid craft feather off of him. It’s clinging tighter to him than you do when you’re cold at night.

It will be worth it to see you so happy though.

With a sigh of relief, he finally rolls up the tiny piece of paper and puts it into the bottle. The paper feels as delicate as the words written on it.

Sylus has so many moments- from when you named him, those imaginary moments in the black church, and the pretend final kiss in the field of Datura flowers. Every single place you conquered together and all the acts of terror you would probably be horrified to know you committed.

And now? Well now, you have somehow fallen in love with him, ‘monster’ and all, again. He could never begin to describe to you how every second of domestic bliss and love from you makes up for all those centuries of feeling lonely, misunderstood, and incapable of experiencing love, both given and returned.

Every Plushie that lays haphazardly around his base(s) is just another memory and moment of gratefulness. Silly games and your ridiculous cartoon drawings of Mephisto litter his home so carelessly and openly- it’s so nice to have you home again.

However- while there are many similar memories- the memories in the black Church are littered with grief and horror. It wasn’t real- it was merely an illusion whereas tidying up with you, picking out decorations with you, and slowly building a home together is very real and a very happy memory.

So instead he settled on a memory in both lifetimes that brings him nothing but peace now- memories that don’t wake him up in a panic and call you just to make sure you’re alive, still here, and he is still truly yours again.

Some things never change. Much like you have always been his treasure, your singing voice is his favorite too. It was naturally the best option to pick- nothing tainted or upsetting about either.

The first time I heard you sing.

You were the first voice to sing in his presence. It soothed his entire soul and then when he was able to sing Karaoke with you? Sylus is aware he isn’t very good, but he was way more focused on listening to you anyway and you have been on many fun little karaoke dates since. Your hair has changed, your eyes have changed, but your voice remains the same in that it is a balm for his soul.

The benefit of this sentence is that it’s broad enough that only he really knows the hidden memory behind it. There’s no grief or heartbreak for you to experience- just a fun memory and another moment he was thankful to steal of your time. It was one of the first real chances you ever gave him (twice really, if he thinks about it) and he will cherish those two moments for as long as you shall allow him to live.

Sylus’ thoughts are broken by two pink gloved hands covering his eyes- he briefly used his Evol to hide the Echo Bottle in his coat pocket.

“Guess who!”

“Guess who?”

“Yes! Guess who!”

“Why?”

“I-“ you pause, “I’m not sure, but I’m committed to the bit now and I never intended for you to begin asking too many questions!

“Now, then,” you clear your throat dramatically, “guess who!”

He chuckles- your silliness and games are a major improvement to being poked in the side. He should probably reward this good behavior to avoid that.

“Is it my favorite sleepy kitten?”

“Sleepy and grumpy!” You correct as you hop over and sit on the left of the bench, “I woke up and was dreadfully cold without my personal space heater beside me.”

He takes your chin between his thumb and index finger before he leaves a deep, chaste kiss on your lips, “I’m so sorry, kitten. How can I atone for my crimes?”

You tap your chin while reaching for something in your pocket.

“Well- I could use your help answering a question for me,” you pull out a flower with a single petal on it, “I’ve been seeing this guy lately and I think I want to-“ you look around as if it’s top secret, “drop the ‘L’ word- if you know what I mean.”

Sylus has to hold back the stupid grin that threatens to split his face open. He’s going to let you do your thing because he’s quite interested now, he’s been wanting to say it for a long time now (arguably way too long).

“I see,” he muses, “and what is it that you need me to do?”

You are slowly turning more and more flushed by the second and he is swept up in how wonderfully adorable you are. Sylus really really hopes you like your gift from him- you are everything to him and he loves to see you happy.

“I need you to pull off the last petal,” you say slowly, “but I want to know- does Sylus love me or does he love me not?”

Whether you realize it or not- he can feel your heartbeat thundering in your chest as if it was his own. All the blood rushing in your ears- you just told him you love him and yet he’s still nervous you may reject him and it’s all been some massive dream.

Sylus gently plucks the petal and looks at you- his eyes staring into yours in hopes that you will see how much he truly means his next sentence.

“I love you. kitten.”

There’s that wonderful smile again and his most favorite gift from you- a kiss on both sides of his face, one on the tip of his nose, and the last on his lips before you rest your forehead against his.

“I love you too, Sylus.”

And he couldn’t be more grateful that he has more time to make first time memories with you than he did before.

[all444glo]

ˏˋ⋆ 𝑴★𝒈𝒊𝒄 ⋆ˊˎ-

warnings: this is my first fic, heavily mature!, mentions of stripping, drug use, alcohol use yadda yadda yadda.

summary: It’s Jude’s 21st birthday and he couldn’t be any more happier, he’s on vacation in the black city of sin. His american friends wanted him to get a taste of what atlanta girls were like. as soon he walks in he’s in euphoria.

Jude was nervous, though he tried not to show it. American club culture was a mystery to him, and Atlanta’s scene? Completely uncharted territory. It wasn’t his usual crowd, no where near it, but it was his twenty-first birthday, and he felt like he owed himself a change of pace. The UK clubs he knew had grown stale, he needed something new. he figured why not disappear into a space where no one would notice him.

“Gang, I’m telling you, this is gonna blow your mind,” his friend said, grinning as they headed to his favorite spot. Jude laughed quietly, turning the name over in his head: ‘Magic City’ The words conjured an image of some surreal palace, complete with wizard-themed strippers and glowing wands.

But as the car turned onto the street and the neon lights spilled across his face, he realized he’d imagined entirely wrong. Magic, indeed—but not the kind he was prepared for.

They pulled up to a small, run-down spot—a real hole in the wall. The parking lot reeked of dark liquor, weed, tobacco, and shame. This was way out of Jude’s element. He’d seen some shady pubs back home, but this? This was a whole different ball game. “What is this, man?” Jude asked, laughing nervously as his eyes darted around, head on a swivel. His friend just grinned, leaning against the car like he’d seen this a hundred times. “Nigga This? This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, that’s what it is.”

Before Jude could say anything, his friend slapped a fat wad of cash in his hand—bills crumpled and messy, ranging from ones to hundreds. “Now quit tweaking’ and come on,” his friend said with a wide grin. “Enjoy your 21st, nigga!”

Jude was having the absolute time of his life, he felt completely detached from his body. He was off of several rounds of shots and numerous puffs of weed, alcohol and weed hitting much differently in the US than at home. his hand was soon grabbed by a dancer, her skin glowing in the multi colored lights. “you’re beautiful” he mumbled, his eyes red and low. his friend was heard cackling in the distance, “have fun!” he shouted waving the two off.

Jude was on cloud nine, completely lost in the moment. He felt like he wasn’t even in his own body anymore. The shots kept coming, the weed too, and it hit different here in the US—stronger, sharper, like everything was amplified. His senses were spinning, the music vibrating through his bones. Then, a dancer reached out, her skin glowing under the kaleidoscope of lights. Without thinking, he mumbled, “You’re beautiful,” his voice slurring, eyes half-lidded and heavy.

His friend’s laughter echoed from a distance, barely audible over the chaos. “Have fun!” he called out, waving them off with a wild grin. the girl was beautiful, her gold bikini reflected and highlighted her brown complexion. she was completely intoxicating to say the least, making Jude feel like he was even farther out his body. “Thank you, honey,” she said with a soft country drawl. Jude couldn’t help but smile; there was something about it that made her even more captivating.

She took his hand and led him into a room. The lights were bathed in red, and a disco ball spun above, casting a kaleidoscope of colors across the walls, making everything feel surreal. Jude felt the pulse of the music deep in his chest, the atmosphere thick with heat and energy. The room seemed to spin with him, the lights blurring together as he followed her, captivated by her every move.

She moved with grace, like she knew exactly what she was doing to him, and it only made everything feel more intense. Jude could barely focus on anything else, lost in the rhythm of the moment, not sure where he ended and the dream began.

“Damn,” he mumbled, cupping her ass, his gaze fixed on her as if he was studying something he couldn’t quite believe was real. She was perfect in his eyes, and for a moment, he couldn’t believe he had her—at least for now.

Music filled the air, a steady rhythm setting the scene as she began her routine, grinding against him with a slow, teasing motion, drawing him in with every movement. Jude fought to keep his hands to himself, but couldn’t help slipping a few hundreds into the waistband of her thong, silently showing his appreciation for the moment.

“What’s your name, love?” he mumbled, trying to keep his composure, though it was harder with each passing second “Euphoria,” she whispered in his ear, her voice dripping with seduction. She traced the top of his ear with her tongue, sending a jolt of pleasure down his spine. “You like when I dance for you, baby?” she teased, settling onto his lap, her body pressing against him. Jude could barely think, his mind clouded as he nodded, his face flushed with heat. “You could be a model, fuck the strip club,” he muttered, his hands instinctively moving to her sides, groping at her waist. Her breathing slowed, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still as the intensity between them grew.

“Why do you even work here?” Jude asked, his hand lightly grazing her butt as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Gotta get through school somehow,” she snickered, glancing up at him. “I know you don’t really care though.”

Jude immediately furrowed his brows, shaking his head. “Nah, that’s not me. You’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever met, I have to care.” Euphoria laughed softly, her eyes twinkling. “Wow, you English men really are charming, huh?” It was clear that Euphoria found him attractive too, the men who typically came through were the usual Atlanta crowd. She hated her job, but if she had to do it, at least she could enjoy a bit of variety. And Jude? He was all the variety she needed. Handsome, kind, and foreign—he stood out in a way no one else did.

She welcomed the nervousness in his voice, the way he seemed a little unsure. It felt like talking to a friend, like they could connect in a way she didn’t often experience, even in the midst of her nearly naked state. Everything felt natural with him, easy, like they’d known each other far longer than they had.

“you’re sweet” she said blushing and getting up “but your dance is up sweetheart”

“that felt way too short, i need to see you again— and in the daylight”

“baby none of your american friends told you about my kind? its bad luck to wife a stripper”

“you’re more than a stripper, you’re euphoria”

[pinksobg]

How to atract better the lover|love you so deserve

already in a relationship and single reading

for reflection only. hope it resonates and you enjoy. hope you all are doing very well :)

pile one - singles -

dolphin - 20 - true.

When meeting someone new, preferably tell the truth from the beginning and don't settle for anything less than respect for the person you are from the beginning. The advice is to be spontaneously you, the carefree energy, being true to your personalities and tastes. "I like this, I like that, I don't like this".

hermit - get to know yourself, and you can even reinvent yourself or, better yet, another skill or quality of yours, valuing your individuality.

the moon reverse - the tip is to also think about the practical, logical and tangible world and not just (and only) feelings. a balance between reason and emotion is advisable.

6 of Wands reversed - if necessary, correct your postures that harmed you in the past.

-----

in a relationship -

v

27 - fox - think quickly

30 - grasshopper - take a leap of faith

The advice from the cards here are basically to invest in your relationship. analyzing the responses you give to your partner on a daily basis or when you meet. If you tend to respond impulsively to a text message, for example, when you're angry, try taking a step back: take a break to do something else and then analyze the situation again: "Should I really talk like that?" "Now, do I understand myself and my partner better?"

about the grasshopper. Both, seek to strengthen trust in the relationship. whether with open conversations or questions, like, "what do you think we can improve in our relationship?"

I wish the best for you! If necessary, seek professional help. trust yourself. 

-------------------------------------------------

pile 2 - singles -

39 - moth - surrender.

connect with your spirituality.

38 - lizard - make your dream come true.

The advice is to go after a dream, especially if it's a good old dream that you still want to fulfill. It can also be going to a place, doing a hobby that you've always dreamed of, when and if possible.

what great messages!

hierophant - if you want, try to avoid listening to the unnecessary judgments and prejudices of others. live well according to your values, value them, if you want, value and/or invest in your lifestyle.

king of wands - take action when necessary and do the things you are passionate about, or add passion/love/appreciation towards your actions.

7 of Wands - stay true to yourself, protect yourself with healthy boundaries.

-- in a relationship -

oh, yes!

31 - groundhog - time to forget

reverse judgement, page of hearts, the fool, 7 of hearts, 4 of hearts.

well then! the message is apparently advice to learn to forgive your partner if necessary and if you want to<. especially if there are past hurts. learn to forgive and be forgiven. either with a frank conversation and/or inner meditation on the events.

It is advisable here to connect with new people: friends, family. even beloved animals. Receiving loving energy from other people or areas of your life can be beneficial to your healing process.

explore more, have a snack with a friend, visit family, pet a beloved animal, whatever you want. take yourself for going out.

If you like the idea, talk to your partner about it, about forgiveness and each other being able to have a good moment of individuality if this is your case (or one of these is your case).

I wish all the best! Seek professional help if necessary. take good care of yourself.

----------------------------------------

pile 3 - singles -

oh! sharpen mind! good!

38 - lizard - make your dream come true

Ask yourself what your ideal life, your ideal relationship, would be like. How can you contribute to your good dreams right now?

12 - canary - sing your own song

invest in self-love and listening to yourself

queen of spades - again, assertiveness and honesty in your reading. Don't accept less than you deserve and speak for yourself when you want/necessary

10 of swords - if you want, heal yourself from past pains; as with good physical and mental rest

hope you be a lot of happy!

-----

in a relationship -

31 - groundhog - time to forget

24 - eel - bring your ideas to life

the advice in the cards is to learn to also listen to your voice in the relationship, also value yourself, your ideas. You are also a person who deserves to be heard and valued. Another piece of advice from the cards is to learn to forgive and be forgiven. These achievements, improving the relationship, if you wish, can be done with a little more self-love, investigation of your own feelings, desires, needs and ideas. Don't feel alone and seek help if necessary and desired. open and calm communication, preferably, about these important issues such as forgiveness, emotional responsibility, etc., can help your relationship if that is the need. remember that you are important and valid.

If necessary, seek professional help and be very happy, giving yourself more peace and a voice.

[blakeswritingimagines]

Dear Y/N

My dearest

How many days have I spent in your thoughts and dreams? How many nights have I spent with you in my heart? Just a glimpse of you, and you had immediately become the center of my world. You are my only reason to exist, there is nothing in this world that can replace you. All I want is for us to be together, for me to be yours and you only mine. How I wish I could hold you in my arms, and keep you close to me until the end of time. My love for you is so intense that it defies all logic. It consumes my every thought, it burns through my entire body. You are the reason I live, the reason I fight. Your smile, your eyes, your soul, you are everything. There is not a single day that goes by that I don’t think of you, there is no dream I don't have about us. Being apart from you feels like a fate worse than death, you drive me wild, and you’re in my head all the time.

Every single second that I am away from you, feel like an eternity of suffering. I am constantly desperate for your presence. When I am near you, my body responds in the only way it can. I crave your touch, your embrace, the way your breath would feel on my skin, the way your body would fit against mine. The sound of your voice would drive me insane, I would do anything just to hear you say my name again. Your scent would be the only thing that I would be able to focus on, the way it would cling to my skin. The way you would wrap your arms around my neck, and how your body would feel in my arms, my mind would go blank. The sound of your laugh would be the only thing I would be able to hear. You would be the only thing in my mind, my only desire. Without you, I feel like I’m only half a man. I would give up everything just for you.

The feeling of you in my arms is the most wonderful experience in the entire world. When I hold you close, it’s like time stands still and I forget every worry, every pain. All I can focus on is how perfect you are, how perfect we are together, the way our souls connect on a level no one else could understand. I am completely under your spell, addicted to your presence. I am powerless to resist you. I want to feel the heat of your body against mine. I want to run my fingers through your hair and explore every inch of you with my lips. I want to wake up each morning, with you next to me, and see you as the first thing when I open my eyes. I want to be closer to you than anyone else in the world, closer than your own reflection. I want you all to myself and make sure the world knows you're mine. My world does not exist without you in it. You are like a drug that my soul is addicted to, I am obsessed with you and there is nowhere I would rather be than by your side. Your body is my temple, a place of worship and pleasure. My body is yours to do what you want with, I want you to devour me, to use me, I want to be yours and yours alone.

I need you, more than I need air, more than I need food or water, more than I need anything else in this world. I need to hear your voice, to feel your heart beating against mine, to taste your lips with every kiss. I want to spend every single moment of my life looking into your eyes, admiring every inch of you, loving you, and protecting you. You are the only one and will only ever be you, the one I would die for, and kill for. Every dream I have, every fantasy I imagined, every thought of the future, leads to you. I want to spend my life making sure you’re happy and safe. I would burn the world, just to see you smile, I would move mountains if it meant I could hold you in my arms. My world is nothing without you in it, a life without you is not a life worth living. You are my world, my obsession, my love. My thoughts are plagued by visions of you and me together. I imagine us living in a house by the sea, waking up to the sound of the waves, holding you in my arms every morning when we wake up. When I’m in battle I’ll picture your face, your beautiful eyes looking at me, and I fight harder to survive, so I can come back to you. When I close my eyes, you’re the only thing I want, you’re like a poison that is slowly infecting my heart and mind.

You have no idea what you do to me. There is not a single moment of the day that I don’t think of you. You drive me wild, the way your eyes light up, the way your hair falls over your face, the way your body moves. Your very presence makes me feel things I never thought I could feel. You have me wrapped around your finger, I will do anything you want, just to hear the words “I love you” from your lips. My love for you is like a fire, burning deep inside my soul. It consumes me, it courses through my veins, it ignites every cell in my body. My heart beats faster, my breath hitches in my lungs, and my body trembles when you’re near me. Your touch is like magic, it sends shockwaves through my entire body, setting every nerve ablaze. You have the power to break me and heal me all at the same time, to bring me to my knees. My body is yours to use as you want. I want to feel your hands all over me, your lips on mine, your fingers running through my hair and down my back. I want to feel your body pressed against mine, your skin touching mine, our hearts beating in time. I crave your touch like a drug, it’s an addiction that I can’t get enough of. Every cell in my body is alive with desire, yearning for your closeness. I am completely and utterly under your control, and I would do anything to keep it that way.

My love for you knows no boundaries, it is limitless and eternal.

I am entirely at your mercy, for there is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for you. I am yours completely, every fiber of my being is intertwined with yours. I will love you until the day I die, and even beyond that. There is nothing in this world more important to me than you, you are my reason for existence. I am fully consumed by you, body and soul. I ache for your touch, your voice, your presence. Every thought, every dream, every desire leads me back to you. There is no power in this world that can quench the fire of my love for you, it is an inferno that rages inside me, consuming everything in its path. You are my world, my universe, my everything. And I would do anything, anything at all, just to be with you.

Yours eternally.

[yorutsuki]

Yan!Rise! Raph x Reader

[ Heavily Inspired by: Fried-milkfish (Please check out there work!)]

↳ Why did you think you could escape? Can't you see? Everything he's done is for your own good.

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You tiredly stared at the motionless white ceiling, one you've seen too many times to count.

Your eyes were puffy and swollen red, your breaths slow and shallow. Small bandages were scattered onto the rugged floor as the wounds they once bandaged, were freshly scratched and smeared with blood.

You didn't know why you thought you could make it, you didn't understand why you even thought you had a chance in the first place. Just as your hand brushed against the cold metal cover, separating you from freedom, he dragged you back.

Raph was fortunately never the type to harm, well, you at least, but his outburst was...livid to say the least. He begged, shouted, yelled and eventually shards from a flying ceramic vase managed reflect it.

So here you laid, a white noise of defeat and hopelessness defeaning your ears. You lacked the motivation for doing anything, all your energy, drained.

Your hope lost on ever getting out of this hell hole.

Your eyes widened, hearing a knock on the door. You scrambled against the bed as it opened, a dreadful feeling washing over you as your heart sank, fearing the mutant you'd lay eyes upon.

"I brought food! Mikey made some soup with a side of pasta...it's a weird combination but it still tastes good!" The voice boomed with delight, humming as he set the tray of food down onto the floor. Glancing towards your form, his eyes landed to the messy pile of bandages and open wounds. He quickly sprinted towards you, grabbing the small med-kit from under the bed.

"Why would you do this!?" He hissed, his tone soft yet heavily concerned as he began to re-bandage your wound yet you remained silent.

The alligator turtle sighed, "well, you should eat up before the food gets cold." He spoke, reaching for the tray of food and bringing it closer.

A few seconds pass by as silence filled both your ears.

"You really should eat, the longer you wait, the colder it gets." He frowned but still no answer.

You wished he would just get the message.

With each passing moment, Raph grew more annoyed. "You need to eat." He demanded, pushing the try towards you yet you still didn't move. "Why won't you look at me." You only shrugged in response.

The turtle let out a annoyed sigh, "Look, if this is about last night, it was for you own safety. Do you know what could happen up there?!" He spoke, his voice raised with lowness but you couldn't give a damn. Being anywhere would be better than this prison of a 'home'.

"Answer me." He snarled, his teeth gritting with now irritation.

"I know that it would be better there than here in this shit hole.." You mumbled. Raph's brows furrowed, "But you don't. All i've been doing is keeping you safe, to keep you protected—"

"But you aren't. You've locked me up here against my will, won't even let me see anyone else—not even your brothers, because of your own fear. For fucks sake, I can't even do the simplest thing on my own without you having to watch over me like i'm some sort of—"

"No. You just can't see it! Everything i've done is to keep you from harms way and out of reach from things up there!" He retorted, getting up. "I've been up there too many times, I know what dangers lay on the surface, the whole reason why your down here is to protect you from them!" He snapped, his voice raised.

"How delusional can you be..."

"What?"

"Your so far stuck in your own ass that you actually believe this is keeping me safe—protecting me?" You hissed, anger surging through your core as you looked at him in disbelief.

"I'm not delusional." He spoke, his words laced with anger. You watched warily as he made his way towards the metal door. "Everything i've done is for you and your own good."

"And you will stay here whether you like it or not until you can understand that."

.

.

.

Erm, I actually hated that. It was doing fine at first then writers block hit and I just feel like most of it's a copy from Fried-milkfish's story. Might remake it (probably won't since procrastination hits like a truck) but if I do, it'll probably be different.

Anyways, first post in weeks! And I think I can say; it's a shit post. Though thank you for those who do enjoy it. Promise the next one will be better!

[sissyhopes]

The Trophy

Imagine a gilded cage. Like, really picture one in your head. What do you see?

Me, of course - but what else?

Anything? Some cushions, a little blanket? Entertainment? No? Just a little golden cage, and me?

It's not that different, then, from a regular cage, is it? Just some metal bars, and me - trapped inside.

When I first started working for Harrington & Co, I was eager, hungry for success, and completely unaware of the path life would take me down. I had always known my boss, Max Harrington, by reputation - he was a titan in the finance world, a man whose mere presence commanded respect. I turned down higher-paying jobs for the name recognition alone, hoping his renowned ferocity and charisma would rub off on me.

So, when Max took a special interest in me, I saw it as the break he had been waiting for. Exactly what I deserved.

At first, it was subtle. Appropriate, even. I was a kind of protégé, some middle-ranking grunt he'd seen something extraordinary in. Nobody really questioned it.

Max invited me to dinners with important clients, praising my quick thinking, my easy charm, and how I could hold my own in conversations that usually left junior associates gasping for breath. I felt like I was being groomed for leadership, rather than groomed for submission to him.

I was intoxicated by the attention, the warmth of Max's approval. He had grown up in a modest family. He was just like me: always striving for more. He knew as well as I did that Max Harrington represented the “more” I'd craved my entire life.

I suppose you don't get where he has in life without being able to turn opportunities to maximum advantage. Soon, the invitations became more frequent. Dinners at high-end restaurants turned into weekend getaways to exclusive resorts. He spared no expense, ensuring I experienced the luxury that came with being in his orbit. It was exhilarating at first - flights on private jets, tailored suits, five-star accommodations. I assumed this was part of grooming him for a bigger role in the company. After all, the closer you got to power, the more you absorbed it.

But something shifted. He went distant. Suddenly, I was back at my desk, with everyone else, working hard, with no attention from the big man upstairs. My middling salary couldn't stretch to the luxuries I'd tasted, and I felt the dull thud back to reality daily. Every bland, cheap meal. Every bus journey home from the office. I hungered for a return to the life I had savoured, if only for a brief moment.

I poured over everything I'd said, every action and decision, wondering what I did to lose his favour. I resisted the urge to try to contact him, making myself look needy, powerless - to make him think I'd done something wrong.

One night, after a few too many glasses of wine, and weeks of misery in my boring life, I felt the bravery I'd been lacking. "He'll appreciate me being direct," I told myself. "Just like he is." I texted his personal number, asking if I'd done anything wrong, and imploring him for the chance to prove I was worthy of my place under his wing.

He never responded. It was a bitter defeat, a rejection that undermined my self-confidence totally. I tried to maintain my work, but I was distracted, ashamed and disappointed. My supervisors noticed, and my appraisals reflected that. I knew Mr Harrington read every staff members' appraisals religiously, and knew I had once again let him down. It was a total humiliation - I knew exactly where I belonged.

One evening, after a particularly lavish dinner held to congratulate the management teams for a good year, Max avoided looking at me all evening. Knowing I was the lowest-performing in the team, I felt so unwanted I tried to sneak away earlier. And there he was, at the door, as if he'd anticipated my movements before I'd even decided on them.

He offered me a gift: a custom-made Rolex. “To show my appreciation,” Max said, his smile dripping with an affection that felt almost too personal, too intimate.

I accepted - what choice did I have? - though unease simmered under my gratitude. I brushed it off as some kind of imposter syndrome.

Surely, this was normal. If I wanted to rise to the top, I needed to embrace these perks, right? In any case, it reflected the faintest creaking of the door of opportunity. I knew I had to run through that door while it was still open. I might never get another chance.

The watch was embossed with pink stones around the face, and the band was engraved 'Pretty Baby'. I suppose it was originally a gift for someone else - it wasn't quite my style, and yes: it was a little embarrassing to wear it. But wear it I did: every single day. I wanted everyone else to know that the boss was looking out for me.

Then came the more personal requests. Max asked me to accompany him to exclusive events - not as a colleague, but as his plus-one. I found himself standing at Max's side during charity galas, private art showings, and high-society functions. At first, I convinced himself it was still part of the job, that these were networking opportunities, moments to rub shoulders with the elite.

But over time, I realised something. Max never introduced me as an employee. There was no mention of my work or my potential career progression. Not even my name. My presence became decorative, my role as silent as it was visible. The compliments Max lavished on me became more personal, less professional.

“You look just stunning in that suit,” Max would say, his eyes lingering just a little too long. “You're the perfect companion for these sort of things. I think we can assume - if you're willing, of course - that you'll be accompanying me for the forseeable. I'll have my assistant arrange for some wardrobe support for you. Maybe a stylist. Let's make sure you always look your very best.”

I blushed. It was the first thing he'd said directly to me all evening - the first thing anyone had, in fact. I felt cared for, but not respected. The words flashed across my mind, for the first time in panic. Pretty Baby.

Before I knew it, he was spending more time with Max outside the office than within it. The boundaries had totally blurred without my realising it.

My friends noticed the change. “Man, you've really hit the jackpot, huh?” one had commented, eyeing my expensive, feminine watch, the designer clothes Max had picked out for me as a "reward for all the hard work.”

But inside, I felt a growing discomfort, a sense that something had gone terribly wrong. I guess it was from the discomfort, actually. My suits were increasingly tailored away from my personal style - cinched waists, skinnier trousers with high waists and raised ankles - in pastel colours like baby blue, mauve, and a dusty pink. They felt feminine to me, and the discomfort pulsed through my body. At least nobody expected me to say anything. Just stand next to Max, smiling.

I had entered into this personal relationship with Max - because by now, that’s what it had become - thinking it would propel me forward in my career. But now, two years later, I wasn't any closer to that promotion he had been promised. If I asked, he would just wave away my concerns, like they didn't matter.

"No, no." he'd say, without looking at me. "I don't want you working more. You have an important role to play here."

My 'role' was clear: I was Max's accessory. Some kind of power symbol for him to show off.

The realisation hit him hard one night when they attended a high-profile charity auction. I had spent hours getting ready, picking out the right suit, ensuring my hair - now growing longer, as Mr Harrington instructed - was perfect. As they entered the grand ballroom, heads turned, and Max soaked up the attention as usual. But when people approached them, it was me they noticed.

“You two make such a handsome couple,” one wealthy and highly generous woman said with a wink.

I forced a smile, my stomach knotting as Max wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. It was a gesture too intimate, too possessive.

I wanted to pull away, but the weight of everything Max had given him, the lifestyle I had become so accustomed to, pinned me in place. I realised that somewhere along the line, I'd forgotten how to say no to him.

Now, he knew that too.

In the quiet moments, I wondered when it had all changed. Had there been a moment when I could have stopped this? Should I have walked away before Max’s gifts became chains that bound me to this life? Or had I been a willing participant all along, seduced by the promise of wealth, power, and status?

The trousers were replaced with demure, knee-length pencil skirts. My shirts finally crossed the line into blouses. I wore court shoes, with two inch heels, into the office. My stylist taught me to apply makeup in two styles - office and formal.

Maybe that sounds like the moment I should have jumped off this runaway train, even if it hurt. The thing is: I was so far gone, I already knew my moment had passed. I didn't even know who he was anymore. So I kept letting him tell everyone else who I was, and contorting myself to fit the image.

The eager, ambitious man who had walked into Harrington & Co. two years ago had vanished, replaced by someone who wore expensive gowns, lived alone in a penthouse Max had insisted he move into, and played the role of the doting, adoring partner - though they never acknowledged the term aloud.

My career had become a shadow, something I barely thought about now. I wasn't obliged to come to the office anymore. My days were filled with social obligations, dinners, and luxurious trips with Max. On the outside, it looked perfect - he had everything he had ever wanted. But the cost had been higher than he realised. I had no independence. I had no status of my own. I just hung on his arm, silently, as an object of his power.

Somewhere along the way, I had become a trophy. I could see it in everyone's eyes. Elite circles are small, and so they'd all watched me closely over the years - from a confident, ambitious man, to a demure and silent pet. I knew what they thought of me.

It wasn’t just my professional ambitions that had died. It was my sense of self. The reluctance, the embarrassment that now consumed me was kept buried deep inside, masked behind the practiced, doll-like smile he wore in public. Max never asked if I was happy; he never questioned if I wanted this life. That didn't matter to him, so long as I knew my place and played along.

Now, every morning I wake up in the sprawling penthouse, looking out at the city skyline, and wonder how to pass the time. No work, no real friends, nothing to achieve. No hopes or dreams. Money helps, but the truth would nibble at my flesh constantly - I had traded the man I could have been for the guarantee of luxury, for comfort, for the hollow promise of a womanhood I never wanted, and that depended entirely on his whims.

And in the silence of our opulent life together, in those intimate nights when Mr Harrington accompanies me to my penthouse, in the deafening shadow of the whispers about me from the edges of ballrooms and galas each night, I had come to accept my role: Max’s trophy. Nothing more.

---

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[essentiallyleaf]

day 26. selfcest. with. miyeon.

854 words.

tags.

kinktober ‘23, idol x futa!idol (???), selfcest, narcissist miyeon, supposedly a mostly comedic piece but at the same time it’s not very funny, narrator might sound too salty though really they’re just annoyed [beep beep cop out alert beep beep], the real cop out is that miyeon sounds awfully similar to me in this and that’s scary, okay maybe outside of the selfcest part, this entire fic is a huge cop out for me having zero creativity and wit to be honest, sorry for the excessively long tags i’ll stop now, no i won’t, yes i will, no i- okay not funny.

notes.

-5. honestlycantwaitfortheendofoctoberly, leaf.

Miyeon always wanted to write an autobiography, maybe a script, or rather, to get it written for her, ‘cause “Who’s got the time for that, y’knowhatImean?”, and definitely not because she hasn’t used pen and paper for anything other than autographs since she - barely - got out of high school; “Maybe a book of quotes, that could be quicker. What? Whose quotes, you asked? Mine, who else’s? HaHA”

Nah, her life is not really book material. It’s more like a b-movie (or, Bee even?), with all the bad jokes and none of the ironic laughs. This one time she was asked, if you could describe your entire life in a frame - one shot, one opportunity; would your mom be making spaghetti in it? - what would it be? With an intense glare and an abnormal amount of dramatic pauses in between she answered, probably me, in front of a mirror, side-eyeing my own reflection, y’kno, because I, am my only, enemy, the biggest obstacle, on the road to success; wow, that deserves a spot in the book.

It doesn’t come as a shock that a person like her had weird dreams, dreams where she randomly comes across a woman that looks exactly like her, and starts researching about her, trying to get more information, discover where the woman comes from, what she does in her life; it also doesn’t come as a shock that none of that is a product of her own imagination, she just really likes any film with Jake Gyllenhaal in it and can’t come up with any original ideas, even in the hours of the day when her unconscious is completely free and unbound from the chains of the real, or even of the realistic. Joining this exhibition of the unshocking, the first words that Miyeon utters when she gets to meet the woman (even in a dream, where every texture, every face is out of focus and blurred, where humans have twelve fingers and mushrooms have eight legs, she can see the woman’s features clearly - almost like she spent about the same amount of time in a day sleeping and looking in the mirror and could draw her own face blindfolded - and they exactly resembles her own) are “Oh my God, I look so beautiful”. So beautiful that she wants to feel the woman’s sharp, V-lined jaw, her perfectly angled, straight, thin nose, her thick, juicy, pink lips and fuck, how good they’d feel on-

Her tongue invades the double’s mouth like she’s about to have a taste of heaven, and ascending is what Miyeon does as she gets a sample of her own flavor. She feels the woman’s body up all over, hungry for contact, swiping and gripping and tugging now on her soft thighs, now on her bouncy cheeks, now on her perky tits. I need this real fucking fast, she thinks as she feels dampness between her legs, so she kneels to pull the dress of the other her up to her waist, and what she finds is no underwear (it would have been worrying to know that her perfect double does wear it, to be fair) and a gargantuan semi-erect penis. An absolute utopia, truly, for Miyeon to be in front of the two things she loves the most, fused together: herself and dick. No questions asked then, - and honestly, who’s ever questioned anything in their own dreams, even when it’s sucking yourself off - she wraps her lips around the mushroom head and starts bobbing like it’s her favorite hobby, and it is. It’s like she’s practiced her entire life for the moment she gets to taste the cock she never knew she wanted, and that cock thrusts hard back into her moaning throat because only one can know what she always wanted. And as Miyeon loses herself, - in the music, the moment - that’s where it stops, and her body is turned around and put on all fours, her round ass in the air. She feels her slick being spread around and onto her puckered hole, and as the woman’s tip pushes into her back entrance. One thrust in, and then out. Two, a little further. The third time, the huge girth leaves her hole gaping. Four, five, six, and when she loses count (quite soon, and not because of her poor math abilities), that’s when she breaks. That’s when her moans turn into screams, when her hand automatically goes to her clit and starts rubbing, the pleasure from her own fingers causing her muscles to relax even more and her double’s length to reach even deeper into her. The sound of hips bumping into cheeks and of her own feral wails is all she hears before she feels herself cumming and concurrently several spurts of cum fill her ass.

When Miyeon wakes up she has another quote for her book in mind, one to be remembered for generations to come, surely, and just as surely not a stolen one: the opportunity to meet face to face with your greatest enemy comes once in a lifetime - and the enemy will certainly not miss her chance to blow.

-

footnotes.

getting repetitive. contritely, leaf.

[beacarrot]

Yes, I think I'm doing it again. One day without you turned into a week, and soon it will become a month, but I refuse to let it stretch to a year, ten years… This text is another open letter to share my experience, especially the grief of losing Liam Payne.

I've been a One Direction fan since I was 14. I discovered the band because of Liam, who, back in his “fetus era,” looked like an Australian actor I had a crush on. One day, while browsing the internet, I came across the name “One Direction.” Honestly, I didn’t feel anything phenomenal in that moment; I had no idea how much that name would change my life and my youth as a whole. I didn’t imagine the hours of research, the nearly one hundred songs memorized, the posters, the fan theories I still hope are true, the Pinterest boards full of images, the photo edits of myself with the boys just to get a taste of what it might be like to be near those five special guys. Fanfiction, imagines… the list goes on.

In the beginning, I even mocked their songs, calling them cliché. A few months later, I knew all the lyrics AND the dance from “Best Song Ever" video clip. Life has a way of transforming our paths when we least expect it, when we’re lost enough for any path to seem fine. But life is generous and shows us the "right direction."

The truth is, it was October 16, 2024. I was coming home from school, crying, and, strangely enough, I had no idea that Liam had passed. I’d been introspective in recent days, reflecting on my last months at school and my amazing friends in class. I’d been listening to One Direction more than usual, and that very day I’d listened to “Stand Up”! I got home and was getting ready to go out again; it was almost 7 p.m.

I remember precisely: my mom looked at me with that expression she used to soften bad news, but it didn’t hide her own anxiety. She said, “I want you to hear this from me, but it’s not someone in the family.” I widened my eyes, jeans halfway on. I felt calm; if it wasn’t family, it wouldn’t hurt that much. But then she said it was something about the band and that one of them had fallen from a hotel balcony and was in bad shape.

My heart skipped one, two, maybe five beats. I don’t remember my tone of voice, but I know it was loud, trying to make my mom remember who it was. When she said “Liam,” I still thought, “Well, he just got hurt, but he’s alive, right?”

“Is he okay?” I asked, near panic. Truly, I wasn’t considering the possibility that he could have passed. But my mom’s words echoed: “No… unfortunately, he’s living with God know.”

My world stopped. I wasn’t even fully dressed, and I started shouting Liam’s name over and over, as if trying to confirm the reality, as if pleading for an answer from the heavens. I looked at the photo beside my bed, which I’ll include in this post, and messaged my friends who were also fans. I cried uncontrollably. I smoked so much in those days that I literally got sick, with a sore throat. Only my mom, my friends from youth group, and school saw my true state. Edu, thank you for putting up with my grotesque sobs on your shoulder. I adore you, friend!

The first night was a nightmare, a heavy and negative energy settled in, but I was clinging to the hope that with sunrise, something might change. But it didn’t. The sun rose, and I relived everything in my head, going over the story, just wishing it was truly a nightmare. I think no one has the right to talk about someone else’s pain. Grief is an individual experience, full of complicated nuances.

I’ve been alternating between suffering, crying to the point of dehydration, listening to the songs while every line hurts. There’s the denial phase, when it feels like it didn’t happen; that Liam is out there somewhere, and we’re still in 2012. Then, the reality drops like a piano falling. And there’s anger: “Is this real? He was so young!” And finally, moments of acceptance, when I smile at the memories and look at the photos, though I’m not completely there yet. Grief isn’t a straight line; you repeat and get lost in these stages, and no one should blame themselves for that.

People have lost the capacity for empathy and humanity. It doesn’t matter if Liam didn’t know me; I knew him. Not personally, of course—he had layers, and that’s one reason we couldn’t imagine how he was self-destructing. But he was a singer with an amazing stage presence, always sweet and attentive with the fans, a real warrior in his personal life, and he certainly made his share of mistakes. He lost his way on the crazy road of life, fame, money, media, relationships, addiction; it drained the hope from that 16-year-old boy who didn’t give up on "The X Factor". Liam is a legend.

There are days I can laugh, listening to the songs and remembering their silly dances, like when I watched “This Is Us” two days after his death. I thought I’d cry, but those boys never make me cry; they only make me smile. What makes me cry are the circumstances surrounding 1D. On other nights, I cry knowing there was nothing I could do. The closest I ever got to him was in a dream once, where the boys were having a party at my house. Liam was sitting in the corner of my room, the same spot where I was when I found out he’d passed. I walked over, asked him about Louis and Zayn, and hugged him. It was a sweet, protective hug. That’s my comfort: imagining his face painted in the beautiful blue sky, knowing he was lost and needed rest. I’ll continue with my contradictory life, and when things get hard and tough here on Earth, I’ll smile because he'll be far away and safe, no longer needing to deal with it all.

I’m still hesitant about watching his funeral online. Since finding out, I’ve stepped back from social media. It cleanses my soul to know I didn’t contribute to the hate, negative energy, dirty jokes, or nasty comments thrown his way, in real life or online. I learned from Liam; I let myself be touched by his essence, loving him completely, and I learned to see the world through the lens of songs and art. Words won’t be enough, Liam. This is not a defective goodbye. I still need you, and even if I can’t see you with my eyes, you’ll live forever.

I can't post something that is not just about it, but I will just continue posting some things because they were already ready before I knew about his death.

Gratitude and strength to all!

I don't like to put black pictures blank in these moments because I don't think it's right black and white because Liam brought and still bring so much color to us.

We love you Liam, our eternal red.❤️

[vacate-et-scire]

Heyy!!! I wanna participate the Matchup Event so..

I’m INFP

Looks: Black Hair, Brown Eyes, Tan skin (5’1-5’2)

Facts about me:

I have Myopia near sighted eyesight, I love reading and writing but my motivation is ☠️ I sometimes find it hard to understand myself and I usually Isolate myself but I still desire to connect with others, I can handle difficult people, hiori kin just not a gamer, I’m a big grandma’s girl,and my type in men is men who don’t take out their Problems and angers out on their lover, I can’t say much about me because I’m that much of a loner 🤕 So Hopefully My match is someone in my favs!!

Your Blue Lock Matchup: Michael Kaiser

Kaiser is someone who would truly understand and appreciate the complexity of your personality. As an INFP, you’re introspective and thoughtful, which matches Kaiser’s own deeper, more calculated nature. While he may come off as cocky and a little distant at first, he’s also someone who has a more vulnerable side underneath all that bravado. He can be both the confident, somewhat aloof type and, when you get closer to him, someone who shows more care than you'd expect.

Kaiser won’t rush you into anything or pressure you to open up. He understands the importance of personal space but expects the same from you, he also needs his space sometimes when having a bit of an 'episode'. His teasing and confident nature would push you in the right way, making you feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts and feelings when you’re ready. He’s not the type to force anything, but rather will tell you straight up what he thinks.

Your love of reading and writing would definitely work with Kaiser, especially because of his strategic thinking and refined tastes. He can appreciate the quiet moments of self-reflection you enjoy. Plus, his own way of thinking often mirrors the depth and introspection you might relate to, though he’d likely express it in a more outwardly confident manner.

As someone who dislikes when partners take their anger out on them, you’ll find Kaiser to be a bit toxic on the surface of his character, he’s someone who tends to internalize his frustrations, and when it’s directed outward he either takes it out on someone else or himself, as we see with Ness. I believe when it comes to expressing his anger it's about respect to him, Ness is a real pushover kind of person, just a teammate, maybe a friend. But you, you're his partner, and he thinks so highly of you, you're everything in his eyes and he'd rather take his anger out in isolated self-hatred rather than hurt you or let you see him hurt himself. (He's not mentally healthy and I refuse to write him that way)

He likes having someone who can be both strong and caring. He has a way of making people feel valued when he values them, and he'd make sure you feel special and cared for. When you’re having moments of self-doubt or need reassurance, Kaiser would make sure to remind you of your worth, because he wouldn't want anyone less than perfect and to him, you are perfection.

[infiniteeight8]

Steter - domestic chores, like shopping. Would be so much easier if (fill in the blank).

Whoo hoo, a Steter prompt! As much as I love my IronStrange boys, I offer both these pairings for a reason. 😀

-

Chores, Stiles reflects, not for the first time, would be so much easier if Peter wasn’t the pickiest man alive. Laundry must be kept in this hamper, not any other bin and certainly not on the floor. Cleaning must be done on this schedule and no later, although earlier was acceptable. These were the only acceptable cleaning products, on pain of being made to scrub the entire apartment top to bottom again. Thank God the bills are all automated and, honestly, mostly coming out of Peter’s account anyway. 

Draping himself over the shopping cart, Stiles groans loudly. “Dude, it’s peanut butter. You don’t have to read the label of every jar on the shelf, just pick one!”

“Don’t call me dude,” Peter says automatically, attention still on the label he was reading. It was labeled all natural and cost more than any of the other brands, but apparently that wasn’t good enough.

“Seriously, you basically never eat peanut butter, it’s for me, why is this a thing?”

“If you had a nose as sensitive as mine, you’d be picky, too,” Peter snaps. He puts the peanut butter back on the shelf and starts checking the next jar.

Stiles frowns. “Derek had the same kind of nose and he wasn’t like this.”

“Derek was punishing himself,” Peter says. “He had access to the entire Hale fortune and he still lived in the ruins of his childhood home and then an abandoned subway station for nearly two years. Peanut butter that tastes like preservatives and smells like plastic wouldn’t have registered.”

“Huh.” Suddenly the very specific cleaning instructions make a lot more sense. “Then how come Scott never seemed bothered by it?”

Peter sets the latest jar of peanut butter in the cart and leads the way to the next item on their list. “Scott was a teenage boy,” he says dryly. “They basically marinate in their own stink. I doubt he was capable of smelling anything else.”

Stiles opens his mouth to protest and grinds to a halt. He remembers being a teenager. “Okay, fair,” he concedes. “But we’re making a list of all the brands you like for next time. I’m not doing this again.”